Friday, August 08, 2003

Internal conflict of the person

Didn’t feel like doing anything today. Didn’t feel like saying much for that matter. As usual I am my ‘cherry’ self in the morning. But I think my mom looked at me twice and talked to me more, which I suspect is her trying to coax more words out of my mouth in the morning.

But hey, man! I don’t like opening my mouth early in the morning! Give me a break!

So when Alicia called me around 1pm for a smoke, I passed. I’d never really liked accompanying smokers on a joint. Not my dad. Not even Chris. What more other people? Plus I wasn’t in the mood for people. Company, I mean. Which was selfish, because she and I were just working on top and below of each other. She usually went to the stairwell to smoke. And she wanted company.

So I made ready to buckle down to hibernate for one hour - lunch hour - in front of my computer. But Conscience kept bugging me. Selfish kept reiterated that I deserved the need to be alone. And that got me. Did I really want to be alone, in front of my computer during lunchtime when everybody had already gone for their lunch? No, I didn’t.

But Gastritis protested. So I went to the pantry to make my bread and cheese sandwich. I took a few bites to sustain my system, and then called her on her cellphone to find out if she was still at the stairwell.

“I’m here. Just look up and I’m there,” she said.

And the 45-minute smoke-chat made me feel at peace. Talking to Alicia might not have been entirely full of reflection and ponderment four years ago. But now, after study and work, it has made her sensible and matured. Love and Appreciation for our friendship definitely helped. I am glad that I made the choice to accompany Alicia on her smoke.

Now sitting once more at my computer, I can feel the reduction of self-discontent, but it’s still there. Nevertheless, I would have been worst off, had I decided to glue my ass to the chair.

As I checked my mail, this is the daily astrology prediction that came.

“As much as you like to be in control and hold tight to certain possessions, today may be a time when you need to let go and offer more freedom to the people you love. This may clear up a lot of the troubles.”

posted by Jennirhiow @ 5:04 pm