Time of waiting
If it’s one thing I hate, it’s the waiting period, the in-between period, where nothing is certain, nothing is confirmed, and where everything you hoped to happen might not happen.Positivity is not my strengths. In fact, I’m a pessimist. I can line up all the gloom and doom of any given situation and still find room for more, if it was needed. Though not necessarily a doomsayer, I can always imagine up the worst-case scenario. But I’m very careful not to say that to my potential employers or clients, of course. Personally I think there’s a pessimist living inside of us all the time. We just either choose to acknowledge it or deny its existence. Though who choose to acknowledge it, will be like me – constantly aware and paranoid of all the wrong things that could happen and will gear up the contingency arsenal. Well at least I try to. Those who deny it will sometimes find it hard to believe when things fall apart on them and when they still resist the fact, they fall apart. I don’t like falling apart.
I have seen too many people fall apart to want the same thing happening to me. I hate weakness. I hate the fear and sorrow it generates inside. Perhaps some would say it’s better to face the sorrow then to hide it under a mask or cover it with an air of nonchalance.
No. I say it’s better to go forth, armoured, prepared and toughened up. I think I bear the brunt of the hits better. I may emerge scratched and bruised, but at least I knew it was going to happen. I was totally aware of the possible outcome.
I had a tentative response to one of my applications yesterday. While it sounded good, I know I have to be called for an interview first. It sounded exciting but I’m holding down the excitement. Still I’m praying that it pulls through. It sounds just what I would like to do and can do. It will require flying to another state for it but hey, what’s a little flying! I like extraordinary things happening. I may not come out unscathed but I’ll have anther new experience to add to my portfolio. It’ll come under the heading of ‘Knocked up while attempting something out of the ordinary and lived to tell it’ in my resume!!!
Books keep me sane. When I feel pulled down to the pit of the pity pool, I save myself with a book. I’ll submerge myself in vast imagined lands and beautiful people who live much more exciting and fulfilling lives than I do, and ride the wave of gloom away till I land, safe-footed on the shores, energized and brave to face, to conquer the uncertainty that awaits me. And then it’s time to sharpen the sword.
posted by Jennirhiow @ 4:50 pm
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