Wednesday, September 17, 2003

What is this thing called love?

What is love?

What is love but a bitter memory of a loved one? What is love but the feeling of something once good, now gone.

I long for a kind of love that transcends the definition of love. A love that hath no boundaries, no tangible body, no understanding.

I am naïve. I seek something that is bestowed on the scarcest of lucky souls.

I don not know why I am not privileged. I don not know why when it seemed when I am offered a love of another equally beautiful thing, that it is taken away from me.

I dare not give my heart for I fear it being snatched from me. I dare not reach for something because somehow I know, I would not be able to hold it in my arms for long.

I fear that God is trying to teach me a lesson I’ve refused to learn. That what I desire to hold cannot be given to me. That I am destined to be alone, never to be with another, or accorded a privilege to be surrounded by love.

I lost Cookie. I nearly gave my heart away. I could have. I would have, had I not known it would inevitably happen. But given another opportunity, would I be the one to let go, instead of being refused?

I fear being the one to give it up.