It’s dem darn musicals
I haven't been sleeping well for the past week.I woke up with a headache this morning.
I took my peppermint tea, which helped. It's the only thing I can take for headaches since I'm allergic to all painkillers. But it came back in the afternoon heat. Took my peppermint tea again and it helped. Till I went for yoga.
Today was the most horrendous yoga session I ever had. And it’s got nothing to do with the yoga itself, or the music, or the instructor.
It was because of the racket outside.
Since it’s the Hungry Ghost Festival again, people have set up tents with the 6 feet joss sticks and some food and a stage podium. And microphones and amplifiers.
It’s karaoke music at its worst.
Those amplifiers were blasting these Ah Beng and Ah Lian songs like there was no tomorrow, and loud enough to shatter ear drums. Not only Ah Beng Ah Lian songs but also those horrifying dialect songs. I think they were Hokkein and Teochew.
For the foreigners’ FYI, these horrendous ‘musicals’ are actually set up to ‘entertain’ the spirits. That the spirits will gather around to listen and ‘have fun’, so to speak. Some places even put up those olden Chinese opera shows, complete with heavy make-up and wigs and beards. It’s supposed to make them feel at home again.
Someone I knew sometime before, who had the ‘eye’, told me that it was like seeing a crowd of people, with the spirits filling in the gaps. And that if I wanted to see, there were ways to achieve that ‘sight’. I said, ‘No, thank you.’
I’m sleeping early tonight to get over this freaking headache.
But tonight I’m also a little disturbed. Because I got an email from my cousin, the one who was silent, and I didn’t expect to hear what he had to say.
He said that I should reconsider migrating to Australia to work, that I should stay where I was.
I was like, ‘What the fuck?’
Of all the people who know of my intention to migrate, he was the one who had encouraged and supported me in my decision the most. And now he tells me that I should reconsider.
I’m confused. Not totally, because I know the ultimate decision belongs to me. But, damn! I’ve already had one session of cold feet 2 years ago. I don’t need another one. Not when I’ve already worked myself to a firm decision to leave by the first half of next year.
I’m not angry with him. I’m just now wondering why he says this to me NOW. Sure, I’m terrified of going to a new place to start over. Everything’s here. My family, my friends, my career.
I have a roof over my head. (I dun over there)
I have a car to travel to work and for pleasure. (I dun over there)
I have a wonderful network of friends. (I dun over there)
I have a good career going on here in a magazine. (I dun over there)
I am literally going over to nothing. But that didn’t stop me from applying for PR four years ago. I still wanna go over. I want to live on my own, with no strings and obligations to my family, or my mom, especially. While I’m living under her roof, I have no freedom. So in spite of hearing these opposite, albeit, discouraging comments, I am adamant in going over. I just hope I don’t suffer too much over there. Or really have to return with my tail between my legs. Or come back to find that I cannot pick up where I left off…
I anticipate another white night…
posted by Jennirhiow @ 1:04 am
<< Home