Convoluted thoughts and dreams
In a totally incomprehensible and inconclusive mood. Perhaps the better word is numb.Too many things swirling in my head.
Didn’t sleep well the night before.
Then again it may be because the mind was too stimulated over the aliens and predators.
Cause I watched Alien vs. Predator last night.
Couldn’t drop into oblivion when I finally checked into Morpheus’ Motel.
And even when I did sort of fall into the pool, the mind was still active and in a semi-awake manner. Yet I know I did sleep. Yet it didn’t feel like restorative sleep. Woke up in the morning with the feeling that my mind was collecting tokens of people trying to clock in, feet shuffling.
Token of what I don’t know. It only feels like those I.O.U. coupons that the lady at the counter collects from people with discounted coupons for cheap eats at a canteen.
I don’t even understand what I wrote. It’s just a distorted memory of the night’s dream.
Last thing that went through my mind when the alarm beeped was, ‘Shit. So many collected. How am I going to get rid of them all?’
Had breakfast. Was momentarily rejuvenated. But more of like a short-spanned pick-up hit. Now it’s dissipated. And my brain’s gone numb on me again.
Duuhhh……
Lots of things swirling in the head.
Replay scenes of my colleague crying in the office yesterday morning.
Replay scenes of having to juggle working on the magazine’s content and settling the freelancers’ payment long overdue.
Replay scenes of sitting and chatting with my marketing manager. Feeling like the fool for thinking that she was a good manager.
Replay scenes of the ending of the old Predator honouring the remaining human after an egotistic war inflicted on innocent species.
Replay scenes of that batty woman reaching out her hand for those intangible tokens of toll.
Feeling frustrated that I cannot help my colleague because she’s caught in this trap of being the token sacrificial scapegoat of cheap menial labour endeavours in the organisation that laughingly calls itself ‘strong’.
Feeling frustrated that I cannot seem to beef up the magazine without an extra hand and expected to make it successful based on their inflated sense of worth. And embarrassed that they refuse to pay the freelancers on time.
Frustrated that my stupid MM don’t seem to realised that her attitude is making people leave the organisation.
Frustrated that the human species continues to struggle anyway against predators of our own kind, right at our own doorstep, in front of our eyes.
Frustrated that I didn’t get enough sleep and can’t steal a nap ‘cos I’m due at the doctor’s in a while for my follow-up of my allergic skin anyway.
And so my brain continues its convoluted spinning and swirling. With my designer playing Pink’s album in the background. Oddly soothing.
With luck, it’ll be a cool cloudy day today for me.
posted by Jennirhiow @ 12:59 pm
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