Sunday, August 15, 2004

The corners of my mind

I walked into the house and paused at the entrance, struck for moment, by a wonderful familiar smell, that of Auntie Nik. For a moment I was mildly stunned by that assault on the senses, the scent flooded my mind, brought back memories of my short sojourn in Singapore when I was 10, pleasant memories of an idyllic time when there really wasn’t anything to worry about, other than what to eat and where do go for larks.

And I wondered, if the house didn’t already know that she was coming back to visit and looked forward to welcoming her. Did it emit a welcoming fragrance in anticipation of her impending visit? Did it seek to prepare itself and spruce itself up for another lovely visitation of a homely and cosy personage? Did it feel happy, as we all are, that she was coming back?

I had to shake myself. Silly gurl. How can a house, a non-living entity, know and send out feelings? How could it?

I reasoned with my logic. It’s morning, fresh and still cool from the night.

But it’s warm! The senses cannot deny that the house feels warm, not heat, not temperature. Feeling…

I hugged myself mentally. I still remember living in that house for that short month. It was good. It was wonderful. It was warm. For a blissful month, I didn’t have to deal with my mom’s volatile temperament. It was peace. Little pockets of calm and tranquillity that I managed to garner for myself throughout my sad 27 years of existence. I guess I realised now, that it is these small, scarce, little pockets of peace, that I kept in the corners of my mind, that have sustained my sanity and self.

I may rant. I may cry. I may rage. I may curse. But I guess I should, and could, rummage through my memory banks, in those little pockets, for that palm-full of peace and sit in a corner and soak in it, before going out into the big bad open and face the world again.

posted by Jennirhiow @ 12:07 pm