Sunday, August 15, 2004

Nervous. Anxious. Tremulous.

Tomorrow I’m going out with my cousin sister. To window shop. It’s the Mega Sales after all.

But it’s more because she’s bored, and she’s got no friends here in KL.

She’s younger than me. She’s quite a looker. She should be. Her father is Asian and her mother is an Australian. No surprise that she’s a model.

But when good looking people want to spend time with me, I always ask, ‘Why?’

I have a friend who’s quite good looking. We are good friends. Knew her in college. We have the same type of mother. Probably one reason why we click. And I’ve always wondered, why she liked hanging around with me. And I had a theory that, good looking people like to occasionally, regularly, hang out with plain people, so that they stand out better to outsiders. I’m not saying she’s shallow. After all she’s a darling friend. But I’m thinking that I’m not glamorous, not hip, not beautiful, not stylish, not bothered with being in an ‘in’ crowd, so why hang out with a plain black crow who sometimes don’t even feel ‘belonged’ in her surroundings?

I know I ought to shoot myself. There are a lot of good things about me, I know. But I’m nervous. And I am so not pretty. And very conscious of it. And I’m gonna feel so awkward tomorrow. I mean, I don’t really know her. Only met her twice when she came down for holidays and now she’s sorta here because of work.

I guess I’m going out with her because I really want to get to know my cousins, if possible. And I feel sorry that she doesn’t have friends here, so, as a cousin sister, I should be nice and take her out and let her have a good time.

God, I’m nervous about tomorrow. I hope I can show her a good time and that we can talk about stuff and laugh about stuff and just be comfortable. I’m always uncomfortable around good looking people. I feel… I always feel that they are suckers for pain to go out with me. Then I console myself by saying, it does make them feel good to be beside me… it only makes them look more pretty! *pat my heart*

Be strong.

posted by Jennirhiow @ 1:11 am