Ass-bitingI knew that buying KFC for dinner in spite of knowing that my uncle is making dinner would come bite me on the ass somehow.
And it did. This morning, or rather this afternoon, as he and I and my cousin were in the kitchen. I think he really wanted to get a message across to this son as well, but knowing his father, his son escaped before he could so much as say, “Your momma is an ass-licker.”
Anyway, it was like this. I had made that stupid dessert-gone-wrong pear meringue last night. I made four, each one would have one. When it was done, I found that my aunt had gone to sleep. When I gave one to my uncle he said that he had already brushed his teeth (at 8.30pm) and that he didn’t like sweet stuff (yeah, so why were you sucking on bubble tea pearls last week?). My cousin was on the phone with his wife, so I never got around to giving it to him. So this morning the remaining 3 pears were sitting in the pantry, mournful. Well, maybe not, I’m just commiserating. So this is the ‘conversation’ with my uncle.
Uncle: You know, I’m sorry that I didn’t eat your pear last night…
Me: No, no, it’s fine. I’m ok.
U: No, it’s just that you didn’t tell anyone that you were going to make dessert…
Me: Yeah, I know. That will teach me. Should have made 2 for trial run first, now it’s wasted.
U: Yeah, and also I don’t eat sweet stuff…
M: It’s ok. I understand.
U: I know you’re disappointed…
M: Not really…
U: No, it’s perfectly alright to be disappointed. Everyone would be disappointed if you made something and nobody ate it…
M: I’m okay. Really.
U: … I would be disappointed too. Like last night when I made dinner and you and your cousin came back with food…
U: I mean, you knew I was cooking and no doubt you ate some last night but it was so little. You know what I mean?
See… I knew this would bite me on the ass, but didn’t know when and that it would bite so hard. At the back of my mind I knew that my uncle was cooking, but when my cousin so logically said,
“I’m bored. Aren’t you bored?Let’s go rent some movies, have a DVD night. We’ll buy KFC back and then what my father cooked can be kept for tomorrow.”
I just nodded agreeably. Partly because he really wanted KFC and, I think, was trying to goad me into doing something not aligned with his parents’ way of life. I consoled myself into thinking he was a forceful personality and since I didn’t want to appear meek and submissive to my relatives’ thinking, I let him convince me. Which is no excuse. I could have just politely say that I do not feel like KFC and that his dad was making dinner, how about next time? Instead I let him bulldoze me and here I am, getting my ass bitten, all alone, when he should also be getting bitten!
But he didn’t. Which the story of his life. He has come to a stage where he doesn’t give a damn about what his parents say, think or do. Even if it means disappointing his father purposely (I’m sure he was aware that his father would frown on the KFC) he doesn’t care. I care.
I should have been firmer. I should have said no, I’m not interested, keeping my own views of course that the main reason is I didn’t want to disappoint my uncle, not that I was afraid or anything. But NO. I didn’t want to appear weak in front of my cousin. He would have just said one word if I had declined the KFC.
I discovered something that I didn’t like about my cousin and a couple of his other frens. They liked to label people, who didn’t see or do the way they do, as boring.
That’s the problem with me, I suppose. I didn’t want to appear boring in front of other people. I didn’t want to appear weak in front of people. I didn’t want to appear uninteresting to other people. And for all that I appear nonchalant to other people’s views, I am sensitive to what other people say, to a certain extent. It doesn’t matter if my real reasons are due to financial difficulties, or to real disinterest to something, other people don’t see it that way (because they have no time or interest to find out why) and just label people like me, ‘boring’. People like my cousin.
But since this afternoon’s ‘ass-biting’, I told myself, ‘No more.’
I will not do what I did yesterday again. I do not like disappointing people, especially my relatives, my uncle who helped me so much, by driving me to interviews, by being my sponsor for my PR, by appeasing my likes. When I think about it now, I’m ashamed of myself. I will not repeat my irresponsible and insensitive actions again. If my cousin and I did plan to buy food back like that, I will do the proper thing to warn him about it so that he doesn’t get disappointed over his dinner not being eaten.
Besides, we had just gone swimming to work off some fat. Why did I succumb to KFC after working off all that fat ass, only to put it all back??? Weak cat! WEAK CAT!!