Keep passing the open windows
Ok!! That was so not sincere on my part at all!! It's been almost...what? 2 months? that I said I wanted to be more diligent in posting? Sigh...I haven't been myself lately. I had a bad hit of depression in early April. So bad that my colleague noticed and said that I needed to get help quickly. So we went and met this Bach flower remedies lady and man, did it help! Flower power!
So I had a little help and I was okay. But I guess the things happening in the office wasn't helping me get better that much, and I had another ritual cold war with my mom and I went flying over the edge. Really flew, and plummeted.
I quickly went back to the Bach lady again. This time with my best friend, becos she needed help as well. And we ended up bawling our eyes out, lumping all our grievances and pain to her. Poor Suesie.
But I had another goal in mind when I went to see her again. I wanted to get some remedies for my mom. It should have occured to me long ago, but I guess I was too consumed with myself (again, selfish). So after telling Suesie about myself, my relationship with my mom, she fixed a batch for my mom, which I've been putting into her drink everynight if I can. I usually do this at night, when she's gone to bed, and I will put in about say, 12 drops, into the water bottle she drinks from. I don't know if it helped.. I hope it did. And I guess I shall continue doing this while I'm still around here in KL. I'm pondering the possibilities of getting my brother into continuing to do this after I go over to Australia...
Loads of shitty stuff's been happening in the office. Made me feel like getting out of the working force totally, and just be a freelancer. I hate office politics. I can't play politics to save my life and I don't want to learn how to play it, even though my friend told me to 'wisely' buckle down and take some notes.
No. I refuse to learn. I refuse to participate. I refuse to contribute. I refuse to start learning. I refuse to acknowledge that it needs to be played. If that makes me a coward, then so be it. If that makes me weak, then you're stupid.
I was so distraught that I put up a sign next to my yahoo messenger nick 'Give up'.
Someone wise messaged me. And below is the 'conversation':-
ML: "keep passing the open window"
me: meaning?
ML: think about it
me: .....
me: *thinking*
ML:
Do you know what it's like to be alone in this world
When you're down and out on your luck and you're a failure?
Wake up screaming in the middle of the night
You think it's all been a waste of time
It's been a bad year
You start believing ev'rything's gonna be alright
Next minute you're down and you're flat on your back
A brand new day is beginning
Get that sunny feeling and you're on your way
Just believe - just keep passing the open windows
Just believe - just keep passing the open windows
ML: lyrics by Freddie Mercury
ML: ie. don't give up
And I felt better... Perhaps I shouldn't be so weak and easily put down by idiotic people. I suppose it's all necessary for the circle of life that revolves around some invisible entity that dishes out Fates like tasteless soup in a homeless shelter. And perhaps I should buck up and try to elbow my way into that soup canteen and be the one to boil a better tasting soup.
Listening: “There must be more to life” by Freddy Mercury
Reading: Halfway – ‘By the sword’ by Mercedes Lackey and ‘Sophie’s World’ by Jostein Gaarder.
Going to...: Attend a 3-day course on Spoken Japanese and the 1st Anniversary Party of NewMan.
Wishing: I could be stronger in spirit
posted by Jennirhiow @ 10:44 am
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