What ifI was doing the usual thing of strolling through the streets of blogs in the early morning at the office. And stumbled upon his blog and started to think about the ‘what-if’s. An all too familiar subject that plagues me whenever I allow myself to wool-gather, or when I’m bemoaning the fact that I did not stay put in Perth for my Honours.
Constantly, I ask myself, what would I have done, if I had stayed put in Perth and continued on with one year of Honours study; who would I have met and where would I end up eventually?
Though I always tell people that I regret coming back for a short holiday only to end up remaining home to work, I know that I cannot think that way and that things haven’t turned out so bad.
For one thing, for my field, paper qualification is over-rated; experience is what matters. In the mass communication industry, it’s all about the work experience and the contacts that you make and the network you have set up. It’s a small world, given that Malaysia is still developing, and the media/mass comm industry is still in its infancy. And we are not really that liberal and freedom of speech is not exactly practised here.
But most of all, I stayed back because the family needed an extra income bringer. Though my father said he could put me through another year’s worth of study, I couldn’t make myself buy that ticket and head out on a jetplane. And so, I stayed.
It’s been four years now… Amazing, if one wanted to look upon it in a lighter sight. Then again, what’s the point of bemoaning when it’s not moving anything along.
Depression has come and gone; and will continue to do so. That cannot be helped. I am a Scorpio, after all.
But what can be helped, is the knowledge and truth of having met many, many wonderful people, some of whom I’m proud to call friend, and grateful to count as my chosen ‘family’.
Had I gone back, I would never have met my teddy bear, Shekhar, the sweetest man alive and who constantly motivates me and who reminds me of all things good.
Had I gone back, I would never have met my Senior Writer, who is the most gentle and sensitive soul, that I believe is twin to that of the Dalai Lama; intelligent and learned far beyond his years. My constant inspiration to be better than myself, than what I can be.
Had I gone back, I would never have met my students, my monkeys… innocent and full of hope and ambition, not unlike what we were when we were that age. They made me feel young again, yet old at the same time. But most of all, they saw me as a friend, and still keep in touch with me after I left the institute.
Had I gone back, I would never have met the Wanderer, lost yet found in his self. A fount of information and knowledge best not experienced by some others, but who is selfless in giving himself to help and comfort.
Had I gone back, I would never have met Jung. Words cannot aptly express what I feel for him. Words are totally inadequate. But once, he said that I was his candle in the dark. So I can only borrow his words, and say, that He is My candle in the dark.
There are many more who I’ve come to appreciate and value. I guess I’m more of a ‘people’ kind of person in the sense that, when I leave this country, I will not miss the place, so much as the people I leave behind.
But I would never trade my four years here for anything else in the world. To me, the ‘journey’ I’ve made here is more important, the ‘relationships’ made here all the more sweeter.