Tuesday, March 15, 2005

More often

Yes, I admit readily that I am a night owl.

I am at my most alert at night. It is the time that I use to think about the important things, such as finances.

It is not that I purposely think at this time. It is just that there is nothing creeping up on your senses to distract you, as the day tends to do, and your mind is at the most quiet (I will not say ‘peaceful’) at night, that you are compelled to think, when the light delivers the dark.

And I had become wary of the night. I had purposely avoided the night, avoided the thinking. God surely did not mean for humans to think of so much things. He had everything planned out for us. But we had to screw it up and give up that privilege, with that first bite of the Forbidden Fruit. Oh, the price of knowledge, vanity, egoism!

Times like this I am able to take a more sensible mood, and know that I am able to maintain this mood for quite some time.

I recognize that this is possible because I had a ‘break’. But I know this was at the expense of my dearest one. In order for this ‘break’ to somewhat rejuvenate my mood and strike me awake, she had to go home with an extra burden of having to help me solve my problems.

And her burdens are as heavy as mine. Dearest, forgive me.

You don’t think enough about your problems, she said. I guess so.

From today I shall think about my problems more. I promised her.

At that time I didn’t agree with what she said. But deep down, I knew she was right. Problems need to be kept in mind, so that solution can be thought of. I didn’t that. And so the problems snowballed.

Think about me more often, she said. That way you’ll think twice before doing nonsensical things.

Thinking and applying are two different things. I haven’t been applying. I shall start now.

Yes, dear, I shall think about you, more often, more than before, which is everyday.