Balance in religion
Tonight I passed my brother’s room and saw with a certain amount of surprise that he still kneels beside his bed, head bowed over hands clasped together, praying before bedtime.And I don’t even pray anymore.
When did it stop becoming a habit, I’m not really sure. One day I just stopped and never even realised.
I cannot count the numerous times I’ve questioned God and His ways and the rants of why life was unfair to me. And I also cannot count the numerous times I pray to Mary and Jesus for strength whenever I have the cold wars with my mom.
I keep my rosary with me in my handbag. But I’ve not used in a long while. There was a period where I was so shaky that I said it in the car on the drive to work, and I said it in the office during a break, and I said it in the car on the drive home. And then I said it in bed. I was that bad.
I think I’m fairly comfortable with religion. I don’t go around preaching to people that they must be religious. Hell, I’m not even a twice-a-year Christian. I just pray whenever I want. And I have faith. And I know there’s only one God… I think.
… I played with Wicca for a while a few years back. Ok, I didn’t ‘play’ it. I attempted to understand it. I love nature. If I could, I would leave Malaysia and settle in the country with the most beautiful countryside, with lush green hills and cool forests with waterfalls and lakes and ponds. I was intrigued with a religion that focused so much on nature and the natural way of things. I liked its simplicity and opened-ness. I like the carefree manners of the worshippers. Most of all, I wanted that inner balance that I see in some Wiccans.
I’ve not pursued that anymore. I don’t have the time or the presence of mind or the privacy to. Perhaps when I get to Australia I’ll go back to it again. But not now.
Anyway, my eyes are sliding shut slowly. I got a huge day tomorrow. Got a function in the morning, and in the afternoon I have a photoshoot with Amy Mastura. I’m nervous about that. But hell, I’ll live. And then I have a dinner date with someone about a project. I need money.
*yawn*
posted by Jennirhiow @ 12:51 am
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