Heartsore
The Wanderer is back.It’s 3am and I just came back from a dinner and evening outing with my ex-student-turn-good friend.
He had fled to Canada after his partner had passed away early this year. It was a sad, no, tragic ending to a true love relationship.
He called me to meet up, saying that he had to meet me before he left again. So I did go out. The strange thing was that I had been thinking of him for the past few weeks, wondering how he was, and then he calls me.
I met him at KLCC and he had brought with him his partner’s cousin brother, who is also gay.
We had dinner, we walked Bintang Walk and we bought some silly toys; I bought a Chinese fan for my US friend and he bought a bubble gun for himself and his friend to play. Then J (the boy) took us to this club called Frangipani to sit and drink.
We drank and we joked and we laughed. Towards the end, he and I sat close together, me leaning on his shoulder and he lying back. And he talked about how much he missed him.
I felt torn. I could feel his pain acutely. His body shuddered as he cried silently. He didn’t mind so much that it wasn’t fair that his love was taken away, so much as the fact that he wasn't given a chance to see through the relationship. He and his partner had planned to go to UK and start a new life there. But before they could do anything about it, his partner had an episode of a terminal illness that was fatal and, he wasn’t around at his side.
I think that’s what tears him apart most. That he wasn’t there. And that the relationship didn’t have a chance to grow. That he felt cheated.
After a long while, he got up to wash his face and I wearily leaned back against J’s shoulder and we rested our heads against each other’s. (Strange, though we had just met, we felt a slight closeness.)
“Thank you for helping him,” said J.
“No. I couldn’t help him.” I really didn’t feel that I helped. He was so sad, that I almost cried with him. J took out a tissue for me to wipe the tears that flowed then.
“I couldn’t help. I don’t know how to help him. He cannot move on and he doesn’t know how to move on. And I don’t know how to help him to move on.” J didn’t say anything.
Feeling moony and stupid because of the drinking tonight. Had some drinks with funny names like Concubine and Perfect Manhattan. Also had Mai Tai, Harvey Wallbanger, Mangolicious and Jamaican Breeze with him and J. Anticipate a good sleep.
But still feeling sad and helpless.
Tomorrow I will see him again before he heads off to Germany. He said earlier that he didn’t know why he was running all over the world. Trying to escape the memories here in KL.
I feel so sad for him. And I feel so helpless for not being able to help him. Can anyone tell me how do you help mend a broken heart?
posted by Jennirhiow @ 5:11 am
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