Did I know I would feel this way?
I was totally filled with love and wonder early this week because I met up with the counselor who did The Soul Retreat workshop where I found the courage and wisdom to let go of my emotional baggage.
Hard to explain the feeling because I just felt so buoyant about it and there’s no way to tell of it to others. I can only associate it with the feeling of having been gifted with a miracle that you never thought you would be bestowed with.
But now, my life can be summarized in a few key words.
Headache – if work has synonyms, this word is one of them.
Filled with idiots – people in low-ranking positions, who demonstrate behaviour of flippant delegation usually become incompetent management heads. Sad for the world at large, really.
Gagged – though I wish this to be a wholly different formed of ‘gagged’ – I’m allowed my occasional moments of sadistic and decadent pleasure – this is actually a psychological manifestation of frustration and anger. When I am particular stressed over certain problems, I have difficulty swallowing (intended!!) even my saliva and I have this lump in my throat that refuse to go away no matter how much saliva I swallow, sweets I suck, or water I guzzle. It’s psychological I know. But I can’t get rid of it. So I live with it and attempt to fill my mouth constantly with either liquids or confections.
Oh, forgot, I also have this air inside that has difficulty coming out. I feel like I’m heaving air.
Talk about the irony of working in a health magazine! Cacat!
Still kept that reserve well of love and wonder inside though… somewhere… think it took refuge when confronted with the incompetence I had to face. Ah well. Love has been called yellow-livered before.
And I’m so so SO hiding from my freelancers’ calls, messages and emails! I can’t face them!! Accounts hasn’t paid them and I can’t help them!! I know how it feels cos I haven't been paid my own freelancer's bill yet for my translation... *grumble*
Hmm... maybe I should start a freelancers union so that I can fashion myself into a Joan of Arc-like representor for us poor freelance writers.....
posted by Jennirhiow @ 6:10 pm
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