Cat in a CocoonI've always had difficulty expressing myself. And I've always known the reason why.
I never had the courage or confidence. I always feared rejection or worst, ridicule.
Lately I find myself withdrawing into myself. I know it's due to a few contributing factors. But anyhow the main one is due to uncertainty.
My heart trembles at the mere thought that I will be beginning a new life, a new phase, a new journey. It is frightening. It is humbling. I am only a mere gurl. Trying to find her way in this world full of complexities and intrigue. Whether it's of the good sort or the bad sort, I have no idea of finding out as I have no crystal ball. Even if I did, I'm not sure if I would dare look into my future. For fear of being struck by lightning.
But I also gather that I've not been listening to my inner voice for some time... yet I can't seem to be able to find time or place to do so... I'm almost avoiding having to listen to it. I almost want to burrow into a nice cocoon and remain there, comforted in the darkness and isolation.
I know where it will lead... to feelings of fear and despair, of knowing how utterly alone I am, of realising that I am afraid.
I know I have to keep my mind preoccupied. I am trying. But again, it will soon go down the thin path of deluding muself to keep sane or where I break down and go into a crazy spell, before I yank myself out by the hair and find myself dented, singed, and weary to the bone. If only I can be a hibernating rabbit...