Fear and excitement, Trepidations and nostalgia.
Yesterday saw the second of practise for the Bon Odori and I am not ashamed to say that I had been afraid.I was both afraid and excited because while I couldn’t wait for Sunday to come for the practise, I was so afraid that I would have to suffer another week of aching arms and legs due to lack of lively exercise. It only goes to show how much of exercise I’ve been going for, or not, lately. And like everyone else, I would blame it on work, which is partly true, yet, as the saying goes, ‘He who doesn’t have time for health, will find time for illness’.
Hence I will be more active in exercise from now on. Starting with the free 2-week exercise pass at Philip Wain tomorrow, and then going on to my rhythmic exercise and yoga on Tuesdays and Fridays, at least, and Monday and Thursday for extra discipline.
And I hear someone snorted at the back of my head at all these declarations. Well, you wait and see.
Today was a great shoot, though it started late and wet!
I love rain. But I could wish that it didn’t rain in Shah Alam and make Razlan late. Due to his inevitable lateness, and since I was his chauffeur, we were both late, while the model had to wait for us. I am thankful that Joanna didn’t have a diva attitude and was professional in manner. Possibly my grovelling apology saved us from being silently classified as the worst possibly unprofessional magazine to work with. But thank God Razlan was his charming self and he had worked with Joanna before and things seemed dandy.
The clothes that Sc and Sp were excellent and flattered Joanna totally and the accessories were gorgeous. (And I hear a ka-chink! in the background mocking me… I do so love that necklace. Thank God I don’t wear earrings! Praise the Lord, hallelujah.) And the shots were lovely. What make-up can’t do?! But she was lovely. Today was a good shoot.
But I experienced a little trepidation today due to the shoot. We had finished uncommonly early, so much so, that the logical thing would be to pack up and return to the office and put in some working hours. But we had all decided last week that the shoot would most likely take the whole morning and early afternoon and that we wouldn’t bother going back into the office. Sp had already made arrangements and, so did Sc, too, I’m sure. I had plans, but they were cancelled. I was debating to go back to the office, but if I did, and the other didn’t, it would make them look bad. So I decided to make my merry way to Kinokuniya to check out some books, before heading home early and make my mom happy.
Why happy? Cos I would be around to sweep the floor and help her cook a bit and then I would be heading out to pick up KC. Ah well, a pretty exciting and sedate day. I can spend time at home reading.
I’ve now put a hold on ‘Midnight in the garden’ for ‘Arrows of the Queen’. Yes, my favourite – Mercedes Lackey. I reckon I’ll never be bored of her stories. Besides, there are a few trilogies I haven't touched yet. And I intend to finish them all!
I am trying most desperately not to be sucked into depression and self-pity, and I do realise now that it is self-pity, by throwing myself headlong into things to do. One of them physical activities. No, not sex, which is totally unfortunate, as I have stubbornly decided to wait for the right one to enamour me. Hence the signing up for the Bon Odori. And I have such a blast anyway. I’m totally anti-social, I don’t make friends easily, so I feel a little out of place, but no matter, I’m thick-skinned as well.
I would like singing lessons, but that would take up money, and I am sorely in need of money. Ah well, one thing at a time, I only have 24 hours.
Watched the ET exclusive on George Michael and I finally find out who his lover was. Pathetic me. But it’s so sad; to know your true love at such a late age and to have him for only 3 years and to lose him to illness. Now I wholly understand ‘Jesus to a child’.
I’ve never followed George Michael’s career, but I knew that his music was good and that I liked it a lot. So when I bought his compilation album, I was mesmerised by ‘Jesus to a child’ but never fully understood the meaning behind it; knew what it implied, but never knew for sure what or who it was created for. I am sadly dense at times.
I can allow a little personal emotion to show itself, just to remind myself that I have the right to be typically womanish at times. I can weep at a drop of a pin if I feel the need to weep, yet I can stand aside and coolly tell myself that it’s time to pull myself together.
For my woman’s heart, I will indulge in a little wistfulness and weakness. For my ignorant self, I will permit forgiveness, for she knew not the why and what. For the other part of myself that completes me, who died before his time, I dedicate this song to him, and pray that he will come for me, if God wills it.
Kindness in your eyes
I guess you heard me cry
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child
I’m blessed I know
Heaven sent and heaven stole
You smiled at me like
Jesus to a child
And what have I learned
From all this pain
I thought I’d never feel the same
About anyone or anything again
But now I know
When you find a love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you on those cold, cold nights
When you’ve been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you when there’s no hope in sight
Sadness in my eyes
No one guessed, well no one tried
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child
Loveless and cold
With your last breath you saved my soul
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child
And what have I learned
From all these tears
I’ve waited for you all those years
Then just when it began
He took your love away
But I still say
When you find a love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you on those cold, cold nights
When you’ve been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you when there’s no hope in sight
So the words you could not say
I’ll sing them for you
And the love we would have made
I’ll make it for two
For every single memory
Has become a part of me
You will always be… my love
So I know just what love is
And the lover that I kissed is always by my side
Oh the lover I still miss… was Jesus to a child.
posted by Jennirhiow @ 11:19 pm
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