Of Passings and Releasings
Got a mail about the diary of a meds student who committed suicide in New Delhi and found it really sad…I can’t help but wonder, if I had taken that step myself years ago, if I would have left anything behind to speak of why I had done it.
Sometime back, I did write some sort of a letter, for my mom. I don’t quite remember if I wrote, but perhaps I wrote more of the agony and mental torture she put me through. And I sent the letter to my best friend, my heart. I told her, in not so many words, that in the event I ‘go’, I would like her to pass this letter to my mom.
Then, I was angry. Intensely angry. I hated the mental torture she put me through. Perhaps I hated her with an intensity that knew no words or feelings. I didn’t care what she would go through after I had gone, and after she had read my letter. In my mind, then, I felt she deserved it.
Later, when I got to go to Perth, and met more people, exposed myself more, and with the thought that peace was possible since I was an Australian grad, I let go a little of the pain, after all, who could hurt me when I’m far away in another country?
I resolved to apply for PR when I graduated. I refused to allow myself to be manipulated long by her. I had a right to lead my life the way I wanted it to be and no one should have to cringe everytime something minor happened or was said.
In the end, I told my heart to throw the letter away. I realised that, in time, she would know, she would realised. I didn’t need to resort to such petty acts of leaving behind a letter.
Besides, I had already promised someone that I wouldn’t do it. A blind promise, but a promise, nevertheless.
For this poor soul who couldn’t find someone to promise blindly, and whose guardian angel didn’t step in in time, I can only dedicate this song to him. May he find peace finally.
Prayer ~ Secret Garden
Hush – Lay down your troubled mind
The day has vanished and left us behind
And the wind – whispering soft lullabies
Will soothe – so close your eyes
Let your arms enfold us
Through the dark night
Will your angels hold us
Till we see the light
Sleep – angels will watch over you
And soon beautiful dreams will come true
Can you feel spirits embracing your soul
So dream while secrets of darkness unfold
posted by Jennirhiow @ 8:58 pm
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