Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Brain circuits fried

There is something wrong with me, and I don’t know how to fix myself.

I’ve become less and less… reflexive.

Becos my home television was at the hospital, there was no TV to know about the tsunami until the next day. My cousin was the one who updated us on it cos we watched the news at the hotel. And it was only that evening later that it sank in and I started calling my friends and ex-students whom I knew lived in Penang.

Slow. Dull reflexes. Poor brain processing.

Didn’t know anyone in Thailand, India and Indonesia. So didn’t think of anyone else who could possibly be at risk.

Then this evening, while sitting at dinner, in a bit of a daze, cos it was a tiring day, and also thinking about this company that was ding-donging with me about a translation job, feeling pissed over their stupid cat-and-mouse phone calling over the weekend and today, I listened to the news absentmindedly, noting the number of people lost in the Maldives.

Then it hit me. Oh my God… I know someone in Maldives… my ex-student!

I quickly grabbed my mobile and called this other ex-student who kept in touch with this student sometimes. The minute I said the name, she said ‘safe’.

"He’s alright?"

"Yes. At first we were worried too. But then one of us got hold of him online and we knew he was fine."

"Thank God!"

"It took you this long to process? How come?"

"I have no idea!"

And I really don’t. I suspect my brain circuits are kinda fried at this moment. I’ve been aware of this condition for quite a while. That it wasn’t a good sign. But I don’t know what to do to repair the circuits.

I do things a little less enthusiastically now. I don’t remember duties or jobs that I am suppose to handle. I don’t process commands or instructions as well as before. I am not enjoying work as much as I used to. I don’t feel as energetic about assignments as before. Reaction to things said is also distinctly duller.

Something’s gotta be done, I know. But I don’t know what I should do to perk myself up, recharge myself, or tune myself up.
Huh. Ironic when I am writing ‘Rejuvenate’ articles in my own mag.

I think I need a change. A real change. But that one is 9 months down the road. Meanwhile, I know I need something. But I don’t have that much cash to spare for this little indulgence.

Perhaps a short weekend sojourn to Singapore for my nephew’s first birthday will do the trick. It will have to suffice. But that means I need to use a certain amount for this trip. Sigh… there’s goes some of my stash for migration.


posted by Jennirhiow @ 1:47 am