Monday, June 14, 2004

Reflections that might be naught

I visited Ely and her family on Sunday after a long absence of, probably, close to a year. After such a long period of silent communication between us, we talked about our work, our life, and our dissatisfaction.

What struck me then was that we, graduates of only 3 years, in this time and age of the new millennium, were experiencing so much difficulties at work, that seemed much more complicated than what our parents experienced.

I don’t think I will understand how so thoroughly. But then, perhaps, I do. We are living in an advanced age where, though technology is seemingly making our lives easier, everything else also advances, which means that nothing stays stagnant. With the advancement of certain inconveniences, other little intricacies crop up to challenge our ability to adapt or evolve. In other words, our intellect and mentality is challenged.

Who’s to say that our parents didn’t have their share of complicated difficulties? How can ours be more complicated than theirs, when they didn’t have the luxury of technology and creativity in their time? Surely we are over-exaggerating our difficulties? Surely we should not be so consumed by our petty grievances, when there are thousands of others, worst off than us?

Sometimes, I stop myself and reassess my situation. What have I done that I shouldn’t have. What have I not done that I should have. What should I do to not fall into the trap of boredom, and hence, self-pity. What should I do to better improve myself, so that I will not be found ignorant and insensitive. What should I do to move in the direction of my goals, dreams and desires. What I could do to help improve the quality of others less fortunate than I. What am I to do with myself, so that I could be spiritually, mentally and physically content. That is something, which I am not able to attain.

Sometimes I could wish I wasn’t so inclined towards introspection. It’s damnably unsettling, as I am susceptible to moodiness and self-pity. Give me time to think and I will be have all sorts of thoughts, silly thoughts. Ah well…




Listening: To the Soft Pop and Rock station on MSN.
Don’t dare listen to my usual stuff cos I’ll be inclined to be moody and depressed.
Feeling: Strangely calm, cos I cannot allow too much emotion to emerge, with the tension of rushing the July issue of the mag.
Reading: Going to finish ‘Arrow’s Fall’ soon.
Will want to look at ‘Exile’s Honour’ after that. Oh, when will I finish ‘Midnight’ and ‘Sophie’s world’???

posted by Jennirhiow @ 11:37 pm