Shades and shadowsLife is not simple. But I knew that long ago.
Me: how art thou?
G: with school...I lost interest in mass comm a long time back
G: now it’s hard for me to do anything
Me: why did u lose interest?
G: well...I would blame the college for the dull environment
Me: mmm. I totally understand
G: I am really doing this just to finish it… if I can
G: so, how are you?
Me: oh, me?... mmm, hard to say
Me: I had a very difficult time in May. And so I had a collapse early this month and was on MC for awhile
G: damn...must have been really hard, man
G: pity you
Me: ah well. life... work...
G: yeah… something tells me I am within the borders of sanity and insanity
Me: oh, u'll do fine
G: ....a casual stroll through the lunatic asylum they say shows that faith doesn’t prove anything
Me: .... I would agree to that. after all, nothing's totally black and white. most of everything are in shades and shadows
G: yeah...and the shades are getting longer wit the dawn of every new day
Me: I agree. that is so true.
Me: and the worst is you doubt yourself when u see how the shades change and adapt to become something you are not prepared for
G: ...that’s where I am at the moment...going down
G: like a bus cascading down the hill without any brakes
Me: but at this point, you realise sometime that you need to grab whatever railings or handholds desperately
Me: before u enter that domain of total oblivion, you know you have to get a grip and pull yourself out.
Me: you can only wallow in self-pity and welcome darkness for so long... you need to get out, pull yourself out.
Me: jump off the bus
G: if the environment is good enough for a pull put, then you can pull out...but with this environment, the more u try to do something, the harder it becomes
Me: then u need to be alert, as to when is the right time to get out
G: do you think it’s always possible to get out? I mean, if the odds of you getting out are as good as the odds of you failing to get out...will u be able to jump off the bus?
Me: u have to try
Me: u cannot allow ur self to remain in that situation for long... u know that, don't you?
G: I know… but every situation has an opposite
G: I would hate to deny that I can fail to get out...cause that’s exactly what can happen
Me: of course. but u do ur level best to do the right thing to maintain control of the situation before it gets out of hand.
Me: dun relinquish control. never. otherwise u'll be fighting a harder battle, trying to take back the reins.
Me: u are not the only one who thinks he's fighting a losing battle
Me: thousands experience this, like yours truly
G: battles can be won and lost... I just feel secure to know that fact
Me: hang in there... keep fighting
G: will hang on til the end
And I will have to hang on, too...
Woke up to...: ‘Between’ by Vienna Teng
Listening to...: Vienna Teng: Waking Hour
Exquisite. The lyrics are ambiguous yet straight forward. I think there’s a word for this – creative. But more than that, it reaches into the mind and grabs your understanding.
Reading: 'Arrows of Flight' by Mercedes Lackey
Feeling: Raw. Being subjected to the pain and bereavement rolling off T was wearying. Since yesterday I’ve been thinking of talking to someone who is trained in controlling emotions and meditations. I think I need that. I think I’m too much of an emotional sensitive and I don’t know how to ground myself back after a heart-wrought episode.