My life as I envisioned?
Senior Writer asks me is this the way I envisioned my life to be…
Such a loaded question. How to say? Where to begin?
My life’s barely started. It’s sputtering like an ancient car caberator from the 50s, reawaken to join the race of other top-notched, ultra-savvy models. Even if I wanted spare parts, where do I find them?
Yes and no…
Yes, I’m finally doing what I want to do, what I dreamt of doing. Writing.
No, because there were so many obstacles and happenings in between that I wished never happened. Things could always be better. I also wish things were not so hard for me to come by. I always seem hard-lucked in terms of work, family, and love.
Right now, work is fine. I’m getting into the hang of things… we’ll see what happens in the long run.
Ne?
A peacemaker is dead
They killed Sergio Vieira de Mello.
They killed a peacemaker.
This is what you get for fighting for other people’s rights and safety.
You get killed.
There is such a wealth of unpredictability in everything. You never know that what you do, for the better good, would be repaid in such a lowly and sickening fashion.
They say the good always die young…
Ask in the name of the Father
Ask in the name of the Father
Who seeks not to punish
But to pardon, to teach, to guide
He is most misunderstood
To the point of rejection and contempt
By his own Flesh and Blood
Ask in the name of the Mother
Who sought to hold, to caress, to love
She is most saddened
By the loss of her only Succour
Who walked the Path winding, alone
Never knowing what he might have been
Ask in the name of the Children
They who searched the ends
For a chance to create a life
That which is not dictated or preordained
But in vain, they realised
That what they desire is forbidden
Ask in the name of the Souls gone
If Heaven was what they ever dreamt
Are they Filled? Are they Redeemed?
Do they regret the wrongs they did
Knowing now they would still be
Watching over miscreant loved ones in pain
Internal conflict of the person
Didn’t feel like doing anything today. Didn’t feel like saying much for that matter. As usual I am my ‘cherry’ self in the morning. But I think my mom looked at me twice and talked to me more, which I suspect is her trying to coax more words out of my mouth in the morning.
But hey, man! I don’t like opening my mouth early in the morning! Give me a break!
So when Alicia called me around 1pm for a smoke, I passed. I’d never really liked accompanying smokers on a joint. Not my dad. Not even Chris. What more other people? Plus I wasn’t in the mood for people. Company, I mean. Which was selfish, because she and I were just working on top and below of each other. She usually went to the stairwell to smoke. And she wanted company.
So I made ready to buckle down to hibernate for one hour - lunch hour - in front of my computer. But Conscience kept bugging me. Selfish kept reiterated that I deserved the need to be alone. And that got me. Did I really want to be alone, in front of my computer during lunchtime when everybody had already gone for their lunch? No, I didn’t.
But Gastritis protested. So I went to the pantry to make my bread and cheese sandwich. I took a few bites to sustain my system, and then called her on her cellphone to find out if she was still at the stairwell.
“I’m here. Just look up and I’m there,” she said.
And the 45-minute smoke-chat made me feel at peace. Talking to Alicia might not have been entirely full of reflection and ponderment four years ago. But now, after study and work, it has made her sensible and matured. Love and Appreciation for our friendship definitely helped. I am glad that I made the choice to accompany Alicia on her smoke.
Now sitting once more at my computer, I can feel the reduction of self-discontent, but it’s still there. Nevertheless, I would have been worst off, had I decided to glue my ass to the chair.
As I checked my mail, this is the daily astrology prediction that came.
“
As much as you like to be in control and hold tight to certain possessions, today may be a time when you need to let go and offer more freedom to the people you love. This may clear up a lot of the troubles.”
