Monday, February 28, 2005

The sky is clearer

When the Rain Fell
It has been gloomy over here in KL. Mostly because of the fires burning in some of our forests. The skies were hazy and smoky and totally miserable. Thank God the rain came and cleared the air. *bowing to the Rain God*

The air at home was just as bleak for the past few days. My mom is still hung up over my brother's epilectic attack. I understand how she feels, cos I was down for a few days myself. But I think she's taking it entirely too direly. After all lots of people live with epilepsy, the victims and family members - and they manage to have a happy life. I don't think we need mope around as if it's the end of the world.

But the weekend was a chance to take him out and treat him to a good Japanese dinner, as he loves Japanese food, and she perked up a bit. But once at home, she went down again. Sigh. I hate that she gives herself so much pressure and unhappiness.

Personally not so good
My own emotions weren't too good, as I've had a number of rejections from the agencies in Australia. I'm beginning to doubt that I'm a good potential employee, that I have anything to offer employers, that my skills would be needed.

So I made a date earlier with my senior writer for dinner. Needed to talk heart-to-heart with someone whom I could tell anything. My dreams, doubts and desires.

hehehe... we had pizza. I so seldom desire pizza. But it was good. Especially with the right company.

Music for my soul
I saw this in a few bloggers' blog and so stole it from them. How does one steal from a few people the same thing? Does the copyright money get distributed evenly among them? What if I left out a few? Wouldn't they too be cheated, unknowingly?

*runs behind a bush*

Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: Sarah Brightman (naturally!)

Are you male or female: La Lune

Describe yourself: So many things

How do some people feel about you: Amigos para siempre

How do you feel about yourself: A whiter shade of pale

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: He doesn’t see me

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: Wishing you were somehow here again

Describe where you want to be: In paradisum

Describe what you want to be: Beautiful

Describe how you live: Gloomy Sunday

Describe how you love: Until the end of time

Share a few words of wisdom: Any dream will do

* miaow *

Thursday, February 24, 2005


My brother just had a fits attack this evening in my car after picking him up from work. I had just said that we would buy dinner back home, but when he didn’t reply, I turned to him, and he was just going into the throes of spasms.

I have not seen him in a fit attack since 2000, because I was away at uni in Australia, and because I wasn’t home the last time it happened in 2002. I nearly panicked when I saw him having a fit attack today.

Luckily the lights had turned red and so I could keep an eye on him while it happened. When he made those air-sucking noises I began to have doubts and fears. Please, Lord, let it be over soon. Then his head shook with the spasms. Please, Lord, don’t let him bite his tongue.

As the lights changed to green, it subsided. Thank you, Lord.

He looked tired. I told him to recline the chair and to rest. Past experience would have him sleeping soon after the attack. But he didn’t sleep this time. Just closed his eyes.

As I drove home my heart was heavy and full. What does this mean? We were just talking about it last weekend and I was just telling A. that I needed to stay at her place to get him accustomed to me being away and he has an attack today. Lord, what are you trying to say?

My heart is heavy. I feel like bursting, I feel like crying. But I know I couldn’t show him how affected I was. We had to show by example that having a fit attack was not a shameful thing. He still feels ashamed of it.

And I am still feeling as shaken as if it were the first time it happened and I was the one to witness it all those years ago.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005


There are days I wonder why I bother.

Then there are days I know that it's all a trial before the jury and the verdict.

I really dunno why I'm like this.


Magic (Featuring Julee Cruise)
~ ‘Chimera’ album – Delerium

When you walked into the room
I found I couldn’t even move
There was magic in your eyes
(I tried to hide, but then I knew)
You could see inside my mind

There is magic in the air tonight
There is magic in the air tonight
There is magic in the air tonight
There is magic in the air

When you touched my hand I knew
That I had helplessly fallen for you
You had cast a spell on me
(I was blinded, but)
You were all that I could see

Cause there is magic in the air tonight
Yes there is magic in the air tonight
There is magic in the air tonight
There is magic in the air

Now the moon is full tonight
So maybe this is why I’ve lost my mind
But the spell you cast on me
Has made me feel so free
I think we’re gonna fly away, up to the stars
And I don’t even know who you are
Maybe it’s just an old superstition, but
You’re a warlock aren’t you?

Cause there is magic in the air tonight
Yes there is magic in the air tonight

* * *
Some days I can take it. Today's one of them. In fact, I am enthralled. By 'Magic'. I need distraction.

Truth be told, work has me numb. I'm just cruising along, trying to finish the March/April issue. Once that's done, I'm going look at some serious 'Out-of-the-house' weekend stayaways with my fren A.

The real truth is that my mind's been totally fucked up since last weekend over what my mum said about my brother. That he will be affected by my absence, and that she's worried that he'll get his fits attack again with me not around. And I got totally knocked off my feet and landed so hard my butt hurt.

I scramble to cover up the panic and fear (and I hate to admit it, worry) under a blanket and sit on the recalcitrant culprits, I asked if it would helped that I stay a few nights over at A.'s house, to get him to get used to me not being around. And she said maybe, yeah.

Fine. I have a few places I can do that with. Meanwhile, I'm keeping the lease on the demons, and locking them up, and not looking at them.

Stay. Stay! STAY!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Total White Night

Either I drank too much green tea last night, or my head’s really full of stuff that refuses to unravel itself. Mum snoring didn’t help. My sleeping pattern’s totally whacked. Totally. Dreamt of swimming in the sea and that I’m owner of a submarine that’s patrolling a stretch of territory and I was trying to ram another smaller sea craft out of the waters. And I’m totally cranky today.

Monday, February 21, 2005

The music that makes 'Me'

My colleague walked by my table and spotted the pile of CDs on it. I must listen to music when I work. Otherwise I go crazy. And makes others around me crazy.

He screened through the boxes and made this comment.

"You're confused. You have no direction."

Then he walked away.

Excuse me. I happen to like different varieties of music. Okie?!?!!!

*On my table*

Robbie Williams – Swing when you’re winning & Escapology
Smash Mouth – Astro Lounge
Keane – Hopes and Dreams
Air Supply – Best of
Loreena McKennitt – The Visit & Book of Secrets
Fame, the musical
Phil Collins – Best of
Café Del Mar
Nat King Cole
Slim Whitman
The Killers – Hot Fuss
Kylie Minogue
Buddha Bar
Delerium – Chimera & Karma
Faye Wong
Sarah Brightman - La Luna & Eden
Miho Nakayama - Manifesto
Secret Garden - Dreamcatcher & Once in a red moon
Trip Do Brazil 2
Westlife – Let us be Frank
Mandy Moore
Robert Miles
Barry Manilow –Ultimate
Sarah Connor
Frou Frou
Sophie Ellis Bextor
Matchbox 20

He should come by my house. I have more... He ain't seen nothing yet.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Lion dance at my office

"Coming thru'. Comingg thru'." Lion doing his rounds around the office. Posted by Hello

I am The Lion. Hear me roar! (see head on right side: 'Can I come out now?) Posted by Hello

Here's a red card for you.  Posted by Hello

Reaching for greater heights... or rather the lettuce! Gotcha! Posted by Hello

He says you're pretty. Here you go. One lion-chewed lettuce. Posted by Hello

One, two, three. One, two, three... Pick up the pace! Posted by Hello

Hey! Lookie there! Pomelo! Mandarin oranges! Posted by Hello

Mine! No, mine! MINE! Get away, you vermin! Posted by Hello

Ok, here's the deal. You eat yours, I eat mine. Deal? Posted by Hello

Bowing to my Chief Finance Office (CFO): May the Rooster smile on your company and that you give bonus to your employees! Posted by Hello

Bye-bye. See you next year! Posted by Hello

Thursday, February 17, 2005

I have a BIG GOD

I’ve been down for the past week because of my financial situation. Tried not to think about it, but it keeps circling back to the front of my mind.

My ideal is to be able to have a lump sum in hand to go over to Aussieland, and to be able to clear off all my debts over here, leave some to my friend to regularly help me pay my insurance, and have some in the bank for my mum to use to take care of household matters.

Not to easy. Not when my salary is wiped clean every month.

On top of that, I’ve been really discouraged with the rejections and silences I have from applications online.

Not good. What on earth am I gonna do when I get there? Where do I start to look for a job? What shall I do? My skills are not exactly specialized, nor are they something that I can bank on totally, given that I have a wide range of stuff, but am unable to say that I am an expert in any one. After all, I’ve only been working for 4 years. I shudder when I think too deeply on it.

My teddy bear sent me this. And I think I’ll try this new tactic. Thank you dear. You lift me up like no other and – just when I need it most.

I have a BIG GOD.

* * *
Two men went fishing.

One was an experienced fisherman, the other wasn't.

Every time the experienced fisherman caught a big fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back.

The experienced fisherman watched this go on all day and finally got tired of seeing the man waste good fish.

"Why do you keep throwing back all the big fish you catch?" he asked.

The inexperienced fisherman replied, "I only have a small frying pan."

Sometimes, like that fisherman, we throwback the big plans, big dreams, big jobs, big opportunities that God gives us.

Our faith is too small.

We laugh at that fisherman who didn't figure out that all he needed was a bigger frying pan, yet how ready are we to increase the size of our faith?

Whether it's a problem or a possibility, God will never give you anything bigger than you can handle.

That means we can confidently walk into anything God brings our way.

You can do all things through God.

Nothing is too big for God.

REMEMBER: Stop telling God you've got big problems. Tell your problems you've got a BIG GOD!

* * *

I have a BIG GOD.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Life in Juxtapose with Eden

Not in the mood to work. But life is such anyway.

Did you ever think of me
As your best friend
Did I ever think of you
I'm not complaining
I never tried to feel
I never tried to feel
This vibration
I never tried to reach
I never tried to reach
Your eden
(Your eden...Your eden...)

Yesterday was one of the most enjoyable dinner gatherings I’ve ever had. WL and I had a slight communication with the location, but finally one hour later we met up and drove to the restaurant. And had good food and good laughter and good catch up.

Did I ever think of you
As my enemy
Did you ever think of me
I'm complaining
I never tried to feel

I never tried to feel
This vibration

I never tried to reach
I never tried to reach
Your eden
(Your eden... Your eden...)

Everyone was uncertain for their future. WL seems to have a good thing going on for herself in Taiwan, as she could work for a bit there, and come back with foreign exposure and get expat salary.

Strade son' cambiate.
Faccie son' diverse.
Era la mia città.
Non la conosco più.
La ora io sono solo un' estranea
Senza patria.

I remember you were there.

Any one emotion.
Any true devotion.
Anytime, anywhere.

The remaining of us who knew each other and were close were just all there was. A, SH, SS, me and her. It was almost like yesterday, before we all separated at the crossroads and walked different paths suited to our own needs, and we had each come to a turn off that merged up 5 other paths to a clearing of like-minded hearts.

Case son' cambiate.
Voci son' diverse.
Era la mia città.
Non la conosco più.
La ora io sono solo un' estranea
Senza patria.

I remember you were there.
Any one emotion.
Any true devotion.
Anytime, anywhere.

I decided to take half day today because I wanted to spend another few more hours with this friend whom we knew we wouldn’t be seeing for another few more years again, and because we slept so late this morning at 3am. I certainly wouldn’t be able to wake up at 6am and go to work human.

Nella fantasia io vedo un mondo giusto,
Li tutti vivono in pace e in onestà.
Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano,
Pien' d'umanità in fondo all'anima.

The best thing was A was still on leave, and SH only needed to go into work after 2pm. So we had breakfast at 10am. Or should I say brunch?

Nella fantasia esiste un vento caldo,
Che soffia sulle città, come amico.
Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano,
Pien' d'umanità in fondo all'anima.

It was almost carefree, not withstanding the thought (or the reality) of going back to the office by 1-ish. Again, food, catch-up and friendship abound. I could see us another 5, 10, 20 years down the road doing this again like there was no years in between and no discomfort thru distance or thoughts.

There's an ocean between us.
You know where to find me.
You reach out and touch me.
I feel you in my own heart.
More than a lifetime.
Still goes on forever.
But it helps to remember
You're only an ocean away.

And I am still not focused at work. Hahahaaaa…

Monday, February 14, 2005

The Last Words You Said To Me

Somewhere in time I know
Darling you'll come back to me
Roses will bloom again
But Spring feels like eternity
In your kiss it wasn't goodbye

You are still the reason why

I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room
My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon
I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly
"Love me now forever"
Were the last words you said to me

And when the morning comes
My hands still reach out for you
Some things remain the same
There is nothing I can do
I can barely get through the day
Ever since you went away

I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room
My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon
I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly
"Love me now forever"
Were your last words to me ...

Heaven help us cross this endless sea
With starlight above to guide you to me
Waves crashing on distant shores
They're calling our names forever more

And I still hear you whispering in the silence of my room
My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon
I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly
"Love me now forever"
Were the last words you said to me

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Holiday break over

Ok, let's take stock of how much DVDs I've watched over the last week. My dad has a stockpile of them, so I decided to take advantage of the free time and free screening. Hey! I didn't need to buy any VCD or DVD!

1. Kill Bill (wow, so much blood)
2. Kill Bill 2 (wow! more blood!)
3. The Incredibles (I luv this show)
4. The Chronicles of Riddick (stupid and plotless)
5. Golden Chicken - Cantonese (funny and fun)
6. Shrek 2 (it's alright)
7. The Princess Diaries 2 (clean and light)
8. Alien Vs Predator (awesome! never tire of it)

Almost watched Hellboy, but my obnoxious cousin told me that it was crap. I asked him how crap was 'crap'.

"It's as bad as Elektra."

"But I kinda liked Elektra."

"You did? Well..."

"I hated Riddick. That was crap."

"Oh, then it's ten times worst than Riddick."


"It doesn't do the comic justice."

"Really? Damn... Ok." Tossed Hellboy out of the pile of DVDs.

Brought back some to continue watching it in KL though.

1. The Sleeping Dictionary
2. The Return of the King - Extended version
3. The Way Home (Korean movie)
4. Kaena
5. Bruce Almighty

With Discovery Channel and Cartoon Network in-between and Chinese comedies, life didn't get much better.

Oh, but I ate so much! God... need to get back to the gym on Monday. Oh wait, can't, got a dinner... damn... Ok, ok, Tuesday.

Finished Survivor in Death! Yay! Now, if only Christine Feehan would publish her books quick-quick.

Hmm... tomorrow's Valentine's Day. Never let it bother me over the years. But tomorrow's a little special because my old collegemate is back from Taiwan for a short while, and we are going to sit down for a nice steamboat dinner, 5 gurls, after, oh, just 5 years later. So after work, I'm gonna pick her up from somewhere, meet the others at the restaurant and eat (again - *groan* - I've eaten more this CNY than any other CNY *double groan*), and talk, and then she's gonna put up at my place, before she heads off back to JB for another few days before flying back to Taiwan.

Man, I have to work tomorrow!! *wail*

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Another rejection

Nothing peachier to add to your day than a rejection email to your application for a position. Blah.

Oh, well.

Differences and Pretences

I’m disturbed… but this is something that I cannot do anything about.

If my aunt asked me to help, to intervene, or to… advice my cousin, I would be hard-pressed to answer with any desirable suggestions, or words of consolation.

Much as I would like to be on my aunt’s or uncle’s side, much as I sympathise with their situation, I’m afraid I would only be able to say that, what you have today is the result of what was sowed right from conception, and for that, you can only have yourself to blame.

I cannot claim to know or say that what they did as parents were wrong. I don’t believe anyone has the right to say that. I can only say that what they did as parents, forged the man, the son, that they see in front of them today. Or rather, the lack of seeing, or hear today.

My cousin is a stubborn and pigheaded man. When you’re nearly 30 and have been slung around three different countries and systems, and still live with your parents, you tend to get short-tempered and angry with the people who dragged you around.

"Your aunt called on CNY. She’s very unhappy."

"Is it? What happened?" I know what happened. It’s always about my cousin. Much as I love him, talking about him is not my favourite topic with my mom.

"I don’t understand why he’s acting the way he is. He doesn’t seem to want to talk to them, don’t want to tell them what he’s doing. He’s just not close to them."

And you think we are, mother? You only think we are because I let you think we are. That’s the difference between me and him. I let you think what you want to think, while he doesn’t care that he knows you know and he doesn’t pretend to appear things are fine. Probably the only reason he’s daring enough to appear totally unhappy with his parents is because he’s a guy. They don’t care. Girls are different. They’re more ‘let’s pretend all’s well and life will go on la-di-da’.

Well, fuck that.

I don’t blame him at all for behaving the way he is. Angry, sulky, ‘leave-me-alone-and-I’ll-leave-you-alone’, rebellious, ‘I’ve-listened-to-you-most-of-my-life-but-you-have-managed-to-fuck-up-my life-so-I-don’t-wanna-listen-to-you-anymore-and-I’m-living-my-life-the-way-I-think-it-should-be’. Oh, he manages to pretend like I do in short bursts of time. But not for long. Only difference between me and him is that he has the luxury of indulging in his relapses.

I feel sorry for my aunt and uncle. I imagine that they realise the mistakes they made. But I guess they’re incapable of adequately expressing their sorry, nor are they able to convince him, because the pain, anger and disappointment is too deep. Too deep.

Mine is deep too. But I can pretend better than he.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Gong Hei Fatt Choy

Every year we come back to Ipoh for Chinese New Year…

… and I dread it.

Well, primarily it’s because I have to see this obnoxious cousin, who always comments on how I’ve put on weight and how I should lose them. This year is no different. But as I grew older, I’ve been able to get a handle on his criticisms and flyby comments by largely ignoring him and avoiding being in the same room as him. And when he does, I usually snipe at him – ladylikely, of course.

His mother was no different. Every year she must make a remark about how I’ve not lose much weight, about how I’m still plump, large, fat, fleshy, etc. This year she did make a change – she said that I had lost some weight. But you know, I don’t really care even if she commented that I was as thin as Kate Moss. Comments from this relative family has never been anticipated nor welcomed. Because I’ve long acknowledged that she and he needed bleach to rinse their mouths.

But I guess he’s trying to do right by me this year, and from now on, I hope. He’s been very kind and genuinely interested in what I do and what I’m into. And becos of last year’s near snatch incident with my handbag, he’s been ‘bodyguarding’ me and constantly reminding me to be careful with my bag. Well, we’ll see.

But it’s very drama coming back, because I get to witness the fiery words between my father and his father my grandfather. See, my grandfather’s horribly long-winded and … old. And my father doesn’t appreciate his jabbering.

Example, we had this short conversation, me and my aunt and little cousin, about those in our family who had married ‘kwai lous’ – it means caucasian, in Cantonese. And then my little cousin wondered why some of our cousins are never seen at the Clan Gathering. So my aunt and I explained it’s because the gurls who marry out, always go back to the man’s side, then the mother’s side. So then she said, what about so and so, since they married kwai lous. And of course those were different, the men did go to the women’s side cos they essentially didn’t have that kind of custom, and they enjoyed the major eating binge. And so I jested with my cousin that our younger generation should change traditions, even when we did marry Asian men.

And my grandfather piped in.

“That’s why all the kwai lous who go to China never want to get out because they love our eating binge.”

Silence all over the table.

This is very normal. Lots of times when my grandfather made comments like these he doesn’t get any comment from anyone, even my grandmother.

I should be counting my angpaos day after tomorrow.

Gong Xi Fa Chai to all the Chinese!

Monday, February 07, 2005

Health, Harrison, Happiness and Hypnagogia

... and not necessarily in that order.

Ipoh, Ipoh
Me is back in Ipoh now. And me belatedly found out that, if I brought the office laptop back with me, I could connect the phone line and get online! Can you imagine how dumb I felt? Here I was thinking outloud to my colleague, how stranded I would be in Ipoh with no Internet, and he looks at me, saying, ‘Why so? Why not take the laptop home and you can go online.”

Then I look at him and say, ‘Because my dad doesn’t have internet line back home.’

And he goes, ‘You dong. All you need is a line. You can use your KL username and log on.’

And I was in 7Heaven when I logged on just now. Man…

Just woke up from a semi-nap, after a 2-hour drive from KL. Had just recovered from a 3-day illness, which allowed me to feel up to driving the 2 hour journey, but felt the need to crash at the one and a half hour. The minute I reached, I delegated the moving of bags to my brother and made my way for the bed.

But still couldn’t quite sleep. Instead I had these characters running around in my head. Probably the fault of my brother, who had switched on the TV and the noises and conversations from the mix-match of programs merging into something like a bizarre MTV in my semi-consciousness. Yet at about 11.50am my body seemed to snap alert, because it was approaching the noon witching hour. And my mom’s advice of not sleeping at 12noon invaded my thoughts. Her mother (my dearly departed grandmother) had told her the same advice to not sleep at noon. Not good for the head it seems. Makes people heady and crazy.

And I’m thinking, I don’t need help at all.

Since I was awake, and the characters’ in my ‘nap’ was still there vividly, I dugged a pad from my old desk and wrote down what they said.

So what’s yours like?
Sporting, beautiful and brilliant. What about yours?
Eccentric, kooky,… and sexy.
Brian choked. Yo, man. You’re so gone.
He chugged down the coke. You’re telling me. I’m taking her.
Suit yourself.
He got up and tugged her arm. Let’s go.
Where to? If it aint cold, I aint goin’.
You want cold? I can do that.
And bubble milk tea. Gotta have that too.
Bubble milk tea and cold. Got it.
How about them? Aren’t they tagging along?
Nope. Brian and Jilly got other plans. Something along the lines of balls.
Oh. Fine. Mmm, where we’re going, anywhere that I can catch a catnap?
Oh, sure. This place allows you to crash. Nice couches.
Cool. I need to crash with my bubble.
Bubb… oh yeah, your tea.

Half an hour later. You’re right. This is cool.
That too. He grinned when she chuckled.
An apron walked up. What d’ya want, G?
The usual, Sam. The lady here wants bubble milk tea… flavour? He glanced over at her.
Original, thank you.
But, of course. Original bubble, Sam, and dim the lights a little at this corner? We’re gonna catch some Zs.
No prob, hon. Be back. And the apron glided off on air pumps.
You sure it’s alright to lie here and snooze?
Hey, don’t worry about it. I’ll watch out for you. You don’t snore do you?
I’ll refrain from doing so in public.
Just checking. How long you need?
Fifteen to twenty. You?
Ten to fifteen. Go ahead.
She lay down flat on her back and made herself comfortable, opened her palms and feet open at 30 degrees, her usual yoga style.
You sleep like roadkill usually?
This is the corpse pose. Nudges you along calm and sleep.
Okie. And he snuggled down on the other couch himself, crossed his arms on his chest.
You sleep like a mummy embalmed usually?
Brings over the concerned chicks to check if I’m well and alive.
They napped in comfortable silence, each quietly noting Sam’s softened steps and the dull chink of glasses on the table. She reached out for a sip, then she settled back.
Ten minutes later, He got up and took his mocha. He watched her chest rise and fall gently. Then he laid back down. He heard her shift a little.
You awake? He asked.
No, actually I’m floating above my body and sneering down at your rendition of King Tut.
He chuckled. His phone rang. He merely pressed a button on his earpiece. Yeah?
Yo, G. Whatcha doing?
Waiting for roadkill here to miraculously rise from her comatose.
Wow, G. You really knocked her off her feet. I’m impressed. But do you have to do it on Barbara’s couch? It’s public, you know.
Shut up, Brian.
Listen, when your kill’s conscious, let’s meet up for eats.
If she ever regains consciousness.
I am breathing over here, you know.

Yes, I am breathing over here too. One of these days I’ll find someone to explain to me why I keep having these weird dreams and conversations in my sleep!

I interviewed Mr FitnessMan 2005 on Thursday before I fell ill. And he was so sweet. He smsed me the next day to ask how was my day and I told him I was sick and he smsed back to tell me to take care. *beaming*

Very interesting background. Now if anyone wanted to know more about him I don’t mind a bribe. But anyway, it’s rather interesting… so interesting that it cannot be put on paper, well, at least not my magazine. Maybe the tabloid… or the entertainment magazine. Maybe I should call up my fren and ask if she wants a story on him… hmm…

But I admire his strength. He has some bumpy rides. I don’t think most people can live through what he lived through without becoming cynical, bitter and hard.

And he neither one of those. He’s sensitive, kind, warm, funny, optimistic and very very interested in what life has to offer. Someone who goes out looking for challenges and fun. Very surprising and very heart-warming to see.

He admits to being a metrosexual man. He says that his frens always exclaim over his wardrobe, because he arranges them like how the 5 guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy – like a rainbow spectrum. Some have mistaken him to be gay, but he isn’t he assures me. Hahahaa… But still no hope for women kind, cos he’s dedicated to his gurlfren. Sigh…

I'm so glad that I can log on in Ipoh...

Friday, February 04, 2005


Cannot tahan. Really bad. Going home. Blah...

Sick and down in the dumps

I’m sick. Scratchy throat. And usually after I get a scratchy throat, I will inevitably get a cold. And when I'm sick, I get depressed.

And in 4 days it will be CNY… sigh…

I had another one of my weird dreams last night. Which usually occurs after a significant ... change or awareness in myself… Feeling literally down in the dumps, actually.

I continuously have dreams of being lost in a public bathroom or bathhouse. Almost every year I have one of these dreams of being lost and stranded in a bathhouse that is either full, or with no doors, or broken down, and so I end up not being able to use any of the facilities somehow.

Last night I was looking for one that would allow me to take a dump, but while they had sections of just showers, and just urinals, and shower pools for kids, I couldn’t find one for taking dumps. And I was getting desperate. But even in the dream I could hold it like in real time. I walked the corridors, the impossible maze inside a bathhouse, and I’m thinking, bathhouses shouldn’t be a maze! And why can’t they all have shower curtains or doors! They were all opened!

From Dreammoods.

To dream that you are in the bathroom, relates to your instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/feelings and need to "relieve yourself". Alternatively, it may symbolize purification and self-renewal. You need to cleanse yourself, both emotionally and psychologically.

To dream that you are in a public restroom with no stalls, signifies your frustrations about getting enough privacy. It may also indicate that you are having difficulties letting go of old emotions. If you reveal these feelings, you are afraid that others around you will judge and criticize you.

To dream that you cannot find the bathroom, signifies that you are have difficulties in releasing and expressing your emotions.

Well… Perhaps it’ll be different after I go over. I should keep track of my bathhouse dreams… see if it still manifests itself when I’m over in Ozzieland.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Oh pathetic heart

I ‘met’ a beautiful man…

But alas, nothing could come of it, because he is out of reach and oceans away.

And my poor inferior heart might never find the strength to believe his professed desire, should he even appear before me now.

Oh, pathetic heart of mine.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

It's back!!!

Woo-Hoo!!!!! Mix 94.5 Perth is back with their online radio!! Woo-hoo!! I'm so happy! I'm so glad! I'm just.....

Man! I'm ecstatic!!!

Yay! I can listen to Mix 94.5 Perth again!! Didn't check their site for awhile now, but this morning, I found it there!

I just got this big silly grin on my face. Think it'll stay for awhile...