Dunno why
I saw my ex student in Midvalley this evening. But I didn't hail him.
Then I saw him again inside as he came down the escalator. But I didn't hail him still.
And then when I was going to go up the escalator, there he was again, 3 steps higher up from me. And I still didn't hail him.
I dunno why. I seriously dunno why.
It could be because I didn't want him to see me without proper make-up.
It could be because I was afraid I wouldn't know what to say to him.
It could be because I didn't want to talk to him, for he was quite a naughty boy in my class.
It could be because I didn't want him to see at me and think that I've gotten fatter since the last time.
It could even be because I just didn't care to know how he was.
I really dunno why...
Still thinking about it now after coming home.
Woke up to: 'Mad world' by Gary Jules (Donny Darko)
Listening to: 'Baby grand' by Billy Joel
Reading: 'Exile's Honor' by Mercedes Lackey - Finishing
Feeling: Well, I think the above entry says it all.
Contemplations
Many people have often told me that I think too much.
Perhaps.
But the truth of the matter is, I cannot help but think, for it is all that I could do.
Whether it is because of my screwed up family or my personal self, I think a lot about it.
The conflicting and contradictory feelings about my father. The extreme but intangible and un-voice unhappiness between my mother and I. The helplessness and resentment I feel towards my brother. The pathetic hopelessness that I feel about myself.
Being torn between two strong forces that have played and continue to play an important role in my life – my parents. Being compared with and made to be insensitive towards one person who is not given a choice in being who he is – my brother.
I have been thinking a lot this last week or so. Which is partially due to the unhappiness I feel at work, towards my colleagues and towards myself.
Towards my colleagues. Because I feel that I am not given the support needed to make things work. Especially my management. All they say are words. They say they can help me. But they have done nothing of that sort. My colleagues. I feel that they want to be all out in helping, but they aren't. Why? I wouldn’t really know. And I don’t think I want to dwell on it too much.
Towards myself. I feel that I am slacking, I am not being active enough, I am not bucking up enough. I can be detached and say to myself, ‘Gurl, you’re slipping.’ And yet, I don’t do anything. I am conscious of telling myself where I’m doing wrong. Yet I am conscious that I am not doing anything about it. It’s NOT a good thing.
I’d like to say that I don’t give a damn about what others think of me. But the sad fact is, I do care to a certain extent. Thing is, I can’t break down and tell that to my colleagues because I think that would seriously affect my respectability.
Sometimes my mom is so right. I am too sympathetic to the underdogs.
My fatal flaw. One of them.
But I can’t help it. I am too sensitive to others. I want to be sensitive to others. Does that make sense?
I know it’s because I have a very low self-esteem, and my self-esteem hinges on knowing that people like me. And I hate to think that people dislike me.
Many people have said that I have a very aloof demeanour. That I am proud, cold, and distant.
They have no idea it is because I don’t want to be hurt. Physically and psychologically.
It is true that my facial expressions have been remarked upon as… angry, cold, arrogant, standoffish, stern and like a-tiger-that-wants-to-eat-you.
I know what it does to people. For a fact, I know it keeps unwanted people away from me. And I want it so. But if I chased well-meaning people away, I didn’t mean it that way. My face just is.
Mom used to ask me if it was because I was unhappy over the divorce. I continually said no and still say it today. Rather, it was because of the way my life turned out to be. My birth, my parents, my brother, and, ironically, myself.
Yes. Till today, I still say I wish I were not born at all.
Almost everywhere I go, there was the same one question posed to me –
If you could meet one person, who would it be?
And my answer remains the same –
God.
I would like to meet God. I would like to sit down comfortably with him and ask him why my life was the way it was. All the pain, the tears, the fears, the helplessness, the frustrations, the futileness, the unfairness, the agony.
I think too much. Hate that. Didn’t want that, honestly. Wondered about that. Wished I didn’t think too much. Wished I didn’t have the trials I’ve had in my life. Wished that I could have had help, guidance and an angel to stand by me.
Well, maybe I do have one. But I’m too blind to see or feel it. Perhaps It is even watching over my shoulder as I type this. But then, I wouldn’t know. I can’t feel It.
I hate being vulnerable. I hate being weak. And I am both. I even hate it even more when people see it. Sometimes, I wish people saw. Sometimes, I wish they could even help. But I know that they can’t.
But that’s selfish of me. Everyone has their own problems. How dare I think that I’m the only one who has problems? What more big ones?
No, I’m just a poor misguided fool. Who thinks I know what I should do. But I really don’t. I’m just stumbling around, thinking that I have a purpose in life. But I don’t. I don’t know what to do with my life. I keep thinking that I do. But that’s part of the game of life. I’m to project the feeling that I do. Perhaps I’m doing a good job on the outside. But inside, I’m twisted in a hundred knots that won’t be untangled easily.
Oh God, help me… I just don’t know what to do with myself. I think I do. that’s the only thing keeping me going. The illusion can last me for some time. But I’d better find some form of enlightenment before I do myself or anyone harm. That – I know.
So meanwhile, I better take tomorrow’s, or should I say, today’s leave to do some mind and soul searching…
As usual, I’m afraid of finding my bed… I fear sleeping… I hope after I’ve uploaded this entry that I would be exhausted enough to fall asleep almost instantly. Please, Lord, let me sleep in peace. No weird dreams.
I love Sarah Brightman!
I saw Sarah Brightman in concert last night!! Waaaahahahhahahaaaa…… And she was
EXQUISITE!
MAGNIFICENT!
WONDERFUL! And so
ENCHANTING! Sigh... it was wonderful, wonderful. Her voice, her voice… so beautiful, so exquisite. Sigh... could have listened to her forever.
But her programme book was so bloody expensive!!
RM70!!! And the mousepad was
RM50!!! *money flying*
Managed to restrain myself from buying anything! Hmph! Not hard since it costs so bloody much!
I went with mom. Sadly, none of my friends liked Sarah. Only my dear Senior Writer. Together we waxed lyrical about her. Sigh...
Below is a rather shocking (to me) conversation between an ex-colleague and me.
E: hey cat
Me: miaow
E: how's ur weekend?
Me: ok. I saw Sarah Brightman last night
E: who is that ?
Me: what?!??!?!?!?!?!
Me: u dunno who SARAH BRIGHTMAN is?!?!?!
E: I don’t know who is that... heard of it
E: when u said u saw ... meaning u saw in TV or real life ?
Me: concert!
E: oic
E: not my cup of tea
E: sorry
Me: E!!!
E: I don’t listen to those genre of music
Me: this is the Andrew Lloyd Webber's former wife!
E: yes?
Me: this is the woman who sang Phantom of the Opera
Me: this is the woman who sang CATS
E: really?
Me: this is the woman who is promoting her HAREM album!!
E: I am quite ignorant in this
Me: aarrrggghhh!!
Enough said.
Sacrilege.
Woke up to: ‘The Way’ by Clay Aiken
Perhaps this is because my brother had the radio on and it managed to sneak into my RAM sleep, or was it REM? Sigh…
Listening to: Secret Garden’s website music
Birds chirping and the brook trickling with sounds of the harp soulfully playing the strains of ‘Prayer’.
Reading: ‘Exile’s Honour’ by Mercedes Lackey
Hehehe… not gonna read anything else till I’m done with what Walk-In has!
Feeling: Sleepy, happy, contemplative and harassed.
Was sleepy since came back from Sarah’s concert late. Happy, that Sc bought me the HerWorld Singapore mag with a beautiful blue bag! Contemplating whether to buy the Style mag with the gorgeous green sunnies. Harassed with some client’s inability to send the promised products by the promised dates. Now, fine! Cos the day’s ended! Waahahahaaaa...
Of dreams and reality
I finally remembered some parts of my dream last night. I did in the morning as I groggily went about my business. But I had forgotten all about it as soon as I stepped out the toilet. And now it suddenly came to me.
I was having some kind of function which needed computers and LCD projectors. Steven was there, and another colleague, but I cannot remember who, but it isn’t someone from here, rather it reminded me of Jong Yang… I dunno why that is so… But I remember feeling that the function was rather smooth, and that I didn’t need to hassle anyone or fix any problems.
Convention
To dream that you are at a convention, represents your need for contact and communication. You need to keep in mind that the choices you make with effect those around you. The dream is also a metaphor for bring various aspects of yourself together. Consider the type of convention for additional clues as to what may be lacking in your life.
Computer
To see a computer in your dream, symbolizes technology, information, and modern life. New areas of opportunities are being opened to you. Alternatively, computers also represent a lack of individuality and non-expression of emotions and feelings. Too often you are just going along with the flow, without voicing your own opinions and views. You may also feel a depreciated sense of superiority.
Coworker
To see your coworkers in your dream highlights aspects of your waking relationship with them, including difficulties/support. It signifies your ambition, struggles and competitive nature. If the coworkers in your dream are not your actual coworkers, then they may pertain to some psychological business that you need to work on.
Then suddenly I was in the bus, and just before my stop, I paused to place my bag on the floor, and wanted to go wash my hands at the washing area on the side of the bus (imagine a bus having this!). At the back of my mind, I was thinking that someone might steal my bag the minute I turned my back, then thought, ‘Nah’, yet I turned back to bring it with me to the washing bowl, and saw that a thief, a guy from across the aisle, calmly flinch my bag, and I quickly went up to him and took it back and loudly scolded him for stealing my bag.
And then I woke up.
Bus
To dream that you are riding a bus, implies that you are going along with the crowd. You are lacking originality and are taking no control over where your life is taking.
Bag
To see a bag in your dream, represents the responsibilities that you carry. If the bag is ripped or torn, then it indicates that you are carrying a lot of burden. To dream of a bag full of junk, symbolizes that you are burdened with worries and problems; you have to find a way on unloading some of this load.
Washing
It may symbolize the cleansing away of unhappy experiences or emotions in your life.
Thief
To dream that you are a witness to a theft, indicates that others are wasting and stealing your time, energy, and ideas.
And it all makes awful sense now… See why I believe in dreams?
Note: All info on dream content was borrowed from Dreammoods. This is just to help interpret my own dreams.
Chagrined…
You have no idea of the amount of nicknames I’ve accumulated since my childhood.
Hu li (wolf)
Hu li jin (vixen)
Lee wine
Lee won
Lee win
Lee whine
Lee when
Lee wern
Smellyfur
Jennyfur
Janny
Jenjen
Ah fu fu
Zhen lai fa (real pretty flower – this I liked!)
Jin lai far (bitchy pretty flower – what a whole difference with just a slight mispronunciation of the first syllable!)
Witchcat (it’s mine! Mine!)
Nif (my senior writer gave me this name cos noone has and becos it's different)
Cat
Meow
Zhui mao (drunken cat – so I like drinking, sue me!)
Lao hang (old horse – sigh…)
Cow (sigh…)
Milk bar (see above)
And horrors of horrors, my clown of a designer has come up with a winner.
DutchLady
See what I mean? I can hear the laughter all the way here… sigh…
Somebody shoot me please
My status on YM was ‘Somebody shoot me’ and my ex-student messaged me to say that he has a gun, but that I was too precious to lose so he wasn’t going to give me the gun.
Aawwwww……… *touched*
Touched, I threw him a flying kiss. :-*
I’ve had a bad week since the beginning, and as the week progressed, it got worst. Till I came to the point where first, I was ready to kill someone, ie. stupid bothersome clients, and then, myself.
I hate clients who want something and yet refuses to tell what exactly it is. I’m not a bloody mind reader, ok?! If I were, I wouldn’t be where I am, doing what I’m doing, suffering what I shouldn’t. Idiots…
How much of a product can you write about in an advertorial but the bare facts? It’s fixtated!!! How different do you want me to write it?
I grumbled to my Sales gurl and Marketing manager, “What? Not only do you want me to write about how your Braun can scan fever, but it can also scan HIV, is it?”
Bloody idiots. No cow sense.
Somebody, please shoot me, so that I don't have to suffer incompetent fools anymore. The only place meant for these kind of idiots is down by the windmill washing the wheels with toothbrushes! Idiots.
Spirits greatly lifted
There were some happenings in the office today that made me unhappy and puzzled over how to deal with.
I originally thought of cancelling my Mandarin class. But I figured that I’ve cancelled one too many classes already, so I had better resume tonight.
And I’m so glad I did.
In a way I wanted to brush up on my conversation skills. So
Lao Shi and I spoke about office politics, people relations, human behaviour and feelings. He gave me some really good advice and I know better now how to handle the situation, now and in the future.
And he was so nice, he didn’t want to be paid! I pay him at every class, but today he refused to take it, saying that he was sharing information, not doing any actual teaching. I felt so bad, so I made him take a bottle of vitamins away as a token of appreciation. There were extras anyway.
God bless him.
Listening: ‘The Great American Songbook – Volume II’ by Rod Stewart.
I love this album. And it would be so nice to sway and dance to, with your loved one’s arms around you, cheek to cheek. My favourite song at the moment is ‘Time after time’.
Feeling: Strong, strengthen, clear-headed. Greatly inspired and lifted in spirit.
Reflections that might be naught
I visited Ely and her family on Sunday after a long absence of, probably, close to a year. After such a long period of silent communication between us, we talked about our work, our life, and our dissatisfaction.
What struck me then was that we, graduates of only 3 years, in this time and age of the new millennium, were experiencing so much difficulties at work, that seemed much more complicated than what our parents experienced.
I don’t think I will understand how so thoroughly. But then, perhaps, I do. We are living in an advanced age where, though technology is seemingly making our lives easier, everything else also advances, which means that nothing stays stagnant. With the advancement of certain inconveniences, other little intricacies crop up to challenge our ability to adapt or evolve. In other words, our intellect and mentality is challenged.
Who’s to say that our parents didn’t have their share of complicated difficulties? How can ours be more complicated than theirs, when they didn’t have the luxury of technology and creativity in their time? Surely we are over-exaggerating our difficulties? Surely we should not be so consumed by our petty grievances, when there are thousands of others, worst off than us?
Sometimes, I stop myself and reassess my situation. What have I done that I shouldn’t have. What have I not done that I should have. What should I do to not fall into the trap of boredom, and hence, self-pity. What should I do to better improve myself, so that I will not be found ignorant and insensitive. What should I do to move in the direction of my goals, dreams and desires. What I could do to help improve the quality of others less fortunate than I. What am I to do with myself, so that I could be spiritually, mentally and physically content. That is something, which I am not able to attain.
Sometimes I could wish I wasn’t so inclined towards introspection. It’s damnably unsettling, as I am susceptible to moodiness and self-pity. Give me time to think and I will be have all sorts of thoughts, silly thoughts. Ah well…
Listening: To the Soft Pop and Rock station on MSN.
Don’t dare listen to my usual stuff cos I’ll be inclined to be moody and depressed.
Feeling: Strangely calm, cos I cannot allow too much emotion to emerge, with the tension of rushing the July issue of the mag.
Reading: Going to finish ‘Arrow’s Fall’ soon.
Will want to look at ‘Exile’s Honour’ after that. Oh, when will I finish ‘Midnight’ and ‘Sophie’s world’???
Shades and shadows
Life is not simple. But I knew that long ago.
Me: how art thou?
G: struggling
Me: with?
G: with school...I lost interest in mass comm a long time back
G: now it’s hard for me to do anything
Me: why did u lose interest?
G: well...I would blame the college for the dull environment
Me: mmm. I totally understand
G: I am really doing this just to finish it… if I can
G: so, how are you?
Me: oh, me?... mmm, hard to say
Me: I had a very difficult time in May. And so I had a collapse early this month and was on MC for awhile
G: damn...must have been really hard, man
G: pity you
Me: ah well. life... work...
G: yeah… something tells me I am within the borders of sanity and insanity
Me: oh, u'll do fine
G: ....a casual stroll through the lunatic asylum they say shows that faith doesn’t prove anything
Me: .... I would agree to that. after all, nothing's totally black and white. most of everything are in shades and shadows
G: yeah...and the shades are getting longer wit the dawn of every new day
Me: I agree. that is so true.
Me: and the worst is you doubt yourself when u see how the shades change and adapt to become something you are not prepared for
G: ...that’s where I am at the moment...going down
G: like a bus cascading down the hill without any brakes
Me: but at this point, you realise sometime that you need to grab whatever railings or handholds desperately
Me: before u enter that domain of total oblivion, you know you have to get a grip and pull yourself out.
Me: you can only wallow in self-pity and welcome darkness for so long... you need to get out, pull yourself out.
Me: jump off the bus
G: if the environment is good enough for a pull put, then you can pull out...but with this environment, the more u try to do something, the harder it becomes
Me: then u need to be alert, as to when is the right time to get out
G: do you think it’s always possible to get out? I mean, if the odds of you getting out are as good as the odds of you failing to get out...will u be able to jump off the bus?
Me: u have to try
Me: u cannot allow ur self to remain in that situation for long... u know that, don't you?
G: I know… but every situation has an opposite
G: I would hate to deny that I can fail to get out...cause that’s exactly what can happen
Me: of course. but u do ur level best to do the right thing to maintain control of the situation before it gets out of hand.
Me: dun relinquish control. never. otherwise u'll be fighting a harder battle, trying to take back the reins.
Me: u are not the only one who thinks he's fighting a losing battle
Me: thousands experience this, like yours truly
G: true
G: battles can be won and lost... I just feel secure to know that fact
Me: hang in there... keep fighting
G: will hang on til the end
And I will have to hang on, too...
Woke up to...: ‘Between’ by Vienna Teng
Listening to...: Vienna Teng: Waking Hour
Exquisite. The lyrics are ambiguous yet straight forward. I think there’s a word for this – creative. But more than that, it reaches into the mind and grabs your understanding.
Reading: 'Arrows of Flight' by Mercedes Lackey
Feeling: Raw. Being subjected to the pain and bereavement rolling off T was wearying. Since yesterday I’ve been thinking of talking to someone who is trained in controlling emotions and meditations. I think I need that. I think I’m too much of an emotional sensitive and I don’t know how to ground myself back after a heart-wrought episode.
Please hear my prayers
Oh Lord, I beseech Thee, if Thou send my lifebonded to me again, be he reincarnated or a replacement, let me go first please, or let us leave this life together.
I do not hold hopes of ever finding him again. Nor do I expect myself to settle for second best. Unless Thou will so. But if the unimaginable happens, please, spare me the pain and despair that I experienced of so many, many years ago, and the pain of bereavement.
I had my usual weird and senseless dreams last night. I really don’t hope to ever be completed… the way I’m going now, I’ve never find the other half that will warm my heart and fill my empty soul.
If I could have one wish, I would wish that lovers all over the world would not have to lose the one person who could complete them and suffer doubt and guilt of that love and feel that they have lived in vain.
“Please be strong. The future may still give you a chance.” – ‘
Cowboys and angels’: George Michael.
Fear and excitement, Trepidations and nostalgia.
Yesterday saw the second of practise for the Bon Odori and I am not ashamed to say that I had been afraid.
I was both afraid and excited because while I couldn’t wait for Sunday to come for the practise, I was so afraid that I would have to suffer another week of aching arms and legs due to lack of lively exercise. It only goes to show how much of exercise I’ve been going for, or not, lately. And like everyone else, I would blame it on work, which is partly true, yet, as the saying goes, ‘He who doesn’t have time for health, will find time for illness’.
Hence I will be more active in exercise from now on. Starting with the free 2-week exercise pass at Philip Wain tomorrow, and then going on to my rhythmic exercise and yoga on Tuesdays and Fridays, at least, and Monday and Thursday for extra discipline.
And I hear someone snorted at the back of my head at all these declarations. Well, you wait and see.
Today was a great shoot, though it started late and wet!
I love rain. But I could wish that it didn’t rain in Shah Alam and make Razlan late. Due to his inevitable lateness, and since I was his chauffeur, we were both late, while the model had to wait for us. I am thankful that Joanna didn’t have a diva attitude and was professional in manner. Possibly my grovelling apology saved us from being silently classified as the worst possibly unprofessional magazine to work with. But thank God Razlan was his charming self and he had worked with Joanna before and things seemed dandy.
The clothes that Sc and Sp were excellent and flattered Joanna totally and the accessories were gorgeous. (And I hear a ka-chink! in the background mocking me… I do so love that necklace. Thank God I don’t wear earrings! Praise the Lord, hallelujah.) And the shots were lovely. What make-up can’t do?! But she was lovely. Today was a good shoot.
But I experienced a little trepidation today due to the shoot. We had finished uncommonly early, so much so, that the logical thing would be to pack up and return to the office and put in some working hours. But we had all decided last week that the shoot would most likely take the whole morning and early afternoon and that we wouldn’t bother going back into the office. Sp had already made arrangements and, so did Sc, too, I’m sure. I had plans, but they were cancelled. I was debating to go back to the office, but if I did, and the other didn’t, it would make them look bad. So I decided to make my merry way to Kinokuniya to check out some books, before heading home early and make my mom happy.
Why happy? Cos I would be around to sweep the floor and help her cook a bit and then I would be heading out to pick up KC. Ah well, a pretty exciting and sedate day. I can spend time at home reading.
I’ve now put a hold on ‘Midnight in the garden’ for ‘Arrows of the Queen’. Yes, my favourite – Mercedes Lackey. I reckon I’ll never be bored of her stories. Besides, there are a few trilogies I haven't touched yet. And I intend to finish them all!
I am trying most desperately not to be sucked into depression and self-pity, and I do realise now that it is self-pity, by throwing myself headlong into things to do. One of them physical activities. No, not sex, which is totally unfortunate, as I have stubbornly decided to wait for the right one to enamour me. Hence the signing up for the Bon Odori. And I have such a blast anyway. I’m totally anti-social, I don’t make friends easily, so I feel a little out of place, but no matter, I’m thick-skinned as well.
I would like singing lessons, but that would take up money, and I am sorely in need of money. Ah well, one thing at a time, I only have 24 hours.
Watched the ET exclusive on George Michael and I finally find out who his lover was. Pathetic me. But it’s so sad; to know your true love at such a late age and to have him for only 3 years and to lose him to illness. Now I wholly understand ‘Jesus to a child’.
I’ve never followed George Michael’s career, but I knew that his music was good and that I liked it a lot. So when I bought his compilation album, I was mesmerised by ‘Jesus to a child’ but never fully understood the meaning behind it; knew what it implied, but never knew for sure what or who it was created for. I am sadly dense at times.
I can allow a little personal emotion to show itself, just to remind myself that I have the right to be typically womanish at times. I can weep at a drop of a pin if I feel the need to weep, yet I can stand aside and coolly tell myself that it’s time to pull myself together.
For my woman’s heart, I will indulge in a little wistfulness and weakness. For my ignorant self, I will permit forgiveness, for she knew not the why and what. For the other part of myself that completes me, who died before his time, I dedicate this song to him, and pray that he will come for me, if God wills it.
Kindness in your eyes
I guess you heard me cry
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child
I’m blessed I know
Heaven sent and heaven stole
You smiled at me like
Jesus to a child
And what have I learned
From all this pain
I thought I’d never feel the same
About anyone or anything again
But now I know
When you find a love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you on those cold, cold nights
When you’ve been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you when there’s no hope in sight
Sadness in my eyes
No one guessed, well no one tried
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child
Loveless and cold
With your last breath you saved my soul
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child
And what have I learned
From all these tears
I’ve waited for you all those years
Then just when it began
He took your love away
But I still say
When you find a love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you on those cold, cold nights
When you’ve been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you when there’s no hope in sight
So the words you could not say
I’ll sing them for you
And the love we would have made
I’ll make it for two
For every single memory
Has become a part of me
You will always be… my love
So I know just what love is
And the lover that I kissed is always by my side
Oh the lover I still miss… was Jesus to a child.
Oh my aching body...
Well, that was painful.
I finally hit the wall, running face first. Smack! And it hurt.
After all the hoohah in May, plus all the crap I've been having with my idiot writer, my body finally couldn't take it, and crashed.
That's right. System shut down, in IT speak. Had to call in MC yesterday. Couldn't get out of bed, too weak and too sleepy. Still I didn't see the doc, cos I knew what I needed was rest. Pure, simple, undulated rest. So I basically hanged at home, listened to the radio, called in to the station and won 2 fantabulistic tickets to see Sarah Brightman in concert -
WooHoo! - washed 3 loads of clothes, read my favourite detective series, surfed the net and chatted with my colleague a bit abt things happening in the office, then as the head started spinning, I logged off for a nap and before I knew it, mom was home to cook dinner.
But my headahce's gone now. The idiot decided to resigned. For which I was glad and praised the Lord. Phew.
Yet today as I went into the office, I nearly fainted, cos I ran a slight fever. My colleague generously ran out to get a packet of '
ho yan hor' for me. Felt better. But for the rest of the week, I'm gonna be heading off to bed early.
I haven't been taking my Bach for almost a week now I think. Which is good, I feel. Shows that I can handle myself pretty well. I've been keeping myself very occupied anyway. But then again, that's precisely why I finally fell ill. Too hectic. Ah well... I'm testing my endurance and limits. Still young.
Looking at magazines online already. Got to start preparing my way to going over. Seen one or two that I like. See how...
I'm so looking forward to going over. A new place. A new start. A new life. I can almost smell it... *dreamy smile*
Woke up to...: A few actually, almost like a medley, but I can't remember what anymore.
Reading: 'Midnight in the garden of good and evil' by John Berendt
Feeling: Mostly sick, but alright emotionally.
