Call for Awakening ideas
I'm working on an article, entitled
'Awaken Your Senses'. I'm cracking my head on the kind of things that one can do to awaken the senses. I think it's good that I forget about the stupid things surrounding me if I immerse myself in writing.
Can anyone share their idea or path to awakening the senses with me? Would really appreciate any thoughts...
Scared
I’m scared.
Not terror scared. Just worried scared.
There’s this tension in the air, a sort of anticipatory air, like an animal sensing for the appropriate moment to pounce on the unsuspecting victim.
And there’s no one here to allay my fears.
I don’t like the way the management seems set to find a scapegoat for the bad things that happen. I don’t like the way they push their demands on the smaller people to do their dirty work. I don’t like the way they think that they are so great that everyone else should drop their own matters to leap to their bidding. I don’t like the way they squeeze and wring staffs who are already low-paid.
I’m worried. I know something big’s bound to happen.
Big and bad.
All falls apart
Early morning bitch COO is jumping on people, demanding to know why the magazine is not in the office NOW.
*
New marketing exec just threw letter of resignation. Unfortunately for her, her notice is ONE MONTH, unlike the rest of us whose notice is only 24 hours for probation.
*
Editor is on MC, but because of jumping bitch, distributions exec had to call her to bug printer to deliver magazine IMMEDIATELY.
*
Poor editor was on her way to the docs. Bitch orders her to PUSH printers, simultaneously screaming to know whose fault it was that printer didn’t deliver magazines.
*
Bitch decides to blame distributions exec for not emphasizing that printing of magazines was URGENT.
*
Funny and stupid things are happening in the office lately. Sale execs gone. Promotions exec gone. One designer on the way out this year. The other designer is searching already. Distributions exec has been actively looking all year. Deputy editor just started actively looking outside. Editor only just returned and is already up to her neck in year-end project. I wonder what’s gonna happen to the magazine…
Ponderings on racism
For the mooncake festival, my colleague asked me to join them for dinner. There was supposed to be 7 people, but in the end my editor couldn’t make because she was sick, and my marketing manager was sick, and my other colleague had too much to finish up before she officially became my ex-colleague. So there was only my two designers, a merchandising colleague and me.
It was great. Good food, good company, good laughter. We bitched about some colleagues in the office (hahaha). We applauded some’s cute-ness (hahaha). And we speculated and confirmed the rumours that we each heard about the company. Good flow of information all around. What can I say? We’re all busybodies.
We got to talking about the high turnover in our company, especially in the sales department. My merchandising colleague made a comment about how the company seems to be hiring too many ‘blackies’. My designers and I looked at each other. Then one ventured to ask.
“Don’t mind me saying it but seems you are a little racist,” he said.
“Yes, I admit. I am quite racist. I don’t like the way management is hiring all these Indians. Especially when they can’t do work.”
Okay… We didn’t expand on this delicate topic after that. But as I drove back to the office carpark to drop off my designers for them to collect their cars, we talked a little about it.
“Never expected her to be racist.”
“Well, at least, she was being honest about it.”
“True, but I never thought she was like that and that would be so vocal about it.”
In my mind, I couldn’t help thinking how many people out there are like that. But I guess there are a few categories in various degrees.
One, those that were racists and wouldn’t hesitate to offer their opinion.
Two, those who were racists and were inflexible in their opinion, but didn’t broadcast it.
Three, those who were racists to a certain degree, didn’t broadcast it unless to close circles, but was willing to adjust their opinions according to circumstances.
The country where I am can be very bias in their favours towards certain races – mainly, the Muslims. There is a whole history to look into and bring out for debate, if we so wanted to argue. But there really isn’t any point unless we wanted to reenact a slightly different and milder version of the Holocaust. Which I’m sure no one wants to. I belong to the third group. Despite knowing the way this country is, I still don’t need to like certain things happening.
1. I don’t like the way they allow their mosques to be build in large scales, whereas the churches had to apply for ages before given permission to build a normal church, and instead have to settle for shoplots.
I don’t like the way they have to blast their prayers for the entire neighbourhood, and the next one as well, to hear.
2. I don’t like the way they double-park, triple-park by the roadside on Fridays, when they go for prayers, obstructing traffic and causing jams from 12 to 3pm.
3. I don’t like the way the government workers go for long-extended lunches on Fridays, starting from 12 to 2.30/3pm, when prayers only start at 1pm, which means we cannot do any important government transactions on that day, if we wanted it quick.
4. I don’t like the way they are going around now, being extra vigilant, to catch parking, speeding, driving offenders, and non-handsfree phone users, in the hopes of getting extra pocket money (bribery money) for their upcoming holiday Raya, even when you are not in the wrong.
5. I don’t like the way they get extra privileges over others, in terms of housing loans, car purchasing loans, etc, when they are not even the real aboriginal people of this country.
6. Most especially, I don’t like the way they run to the bomoh (witch doctor) and place charms on people they don’t like, for the slightest reason. To me, it just spells childish and lazy, because they can’t handle their problems properly and are too lazy to do anything conducive and productive with their hands, brain and (undeserved) privileges.
Yet, I try and remain non-judgmental. I do have many Malay friends who are intelligent, hard-working, helpful, self-less, considerate, warm and loving. But sadly, it’s only still a sad handful. I hope our younger generation will turn out better than their predecessors and generation.
We used to argue in uni. that Westernisation brought about a lot of cultural erosion in the Asian region. But I can’t help but think that here, in this instance, that Westernisation is just the right medicine to shake up this conservative and authoritarian country. Because then this country will be forced to open up more and discard their rigid thinking. And yet, I know the struggle to maintain the right level of tradition and culture will become more challenging than before.
Sweet sweet baby
Today my editor brought her adopted son into the office. We were all in the office working on things for the event tomorrow and she had yet to finish her speech.
The first thing her boy Ethan said when he saw me was, ‘Thank you, Auntie Jennifer, for the mooncake,’ with a smile and squinty eyes under a blue cap.
Oh, how NOT to melt inside…
And he went on to thank Auntie Sophia for something that she gave him the last trip.
And he asked, ‘Where is Auntie Shanthi?’
“Oh, she’s gone to the warehouse, but she may come in to the office after that.” I answered.
“Oh…”
“Why, dear?”
“Bcos I want to thank her for the Spiderman toy she gave me.”
Oh….. I was a puddle…
Later, Uncle Scott asked if he wanted to meet a new friend (my marketing manager’s four year old daughter). A new friend who’s pretty (ok, he made that up since we’ve not met her before) and nice.
And what did Ethan have to say to that?
“Auntie Peishan is still pretty.”
Cries of delighted exclamation around the office.
“Who’s the prettiest, then, in this office?”
“Mama… Auntie Peishan… Auntie Sophia.”
‘Aw’s heard from number two and number three.
“Fourth is Auntie Jennifer.”
“Oh, so sweet! Thank you, dear!”
Uncle Scott stares at me with a ‘What’s there to be happy with fourth?’ look.
“I’m very happy with being number four,” I declared. “Very happy.”
“And then fifth is Auntie Shanthi,” he continued.
My heart was so touched… Such a sweet, sweet boy! And people think I’m a lunatic for wanting to adopt kids. They don’t know anything!
Disgraceful police
I hate our police here. They are shameless, despicable and disgraceful.
A patient at my mom's Alzheimer's Disease Foundation was lost and missing for two days. When they found him, he was muddy and weak.
And his wallet was missing RM200. When the man's family member asked him what happened tothe money, he pointed to a policeman and said, "He took my money and bought cigarettes."
I was never more pissed with our so-called 'protectors of law and order'. Already theft is a sin, they had to steal from a poor Alzheimer's patient!! I'm not ashamed to say that I hope that idiot goes to Hell!
Omens and mockerings
Travelling early in the morning on the LRT with everyone going to work is no fun at all. The sardining, the sweaty smells, the sour fragrance of the tudung* cloths, the numerous coagulating breaths. Uh-uh.
But I had a writing test for a potential job. So I suffered it all. It didn’t help that the map was misleading. It didn’t help that it was further than stated and my feet were pinched.
It didn’t help more, when I returned to my parked vehicle to find a parking surmons.
I should have stopped this morning. When I didn’t want to get out of bed. Now with the parking fine stuffed at the bottom of my bag, it burned. God knew it would probably be a $200-$300 fine. I should have known that this job was not meant for me.
Omens.
* * *
I stopped by the church again today cos I knew I would miss it on Sunday due to an event, and besides, I was on leave, so I could take my time.
Lo and behold, there sat a shiny wedding car. A wedding was going on inside.
I nearly turned around and run. I dug in my feet. Walk, you. You can do this. No biggie. You can do it.
I forced myself to go in and sit in a corner.
Mockerings.
* * *
I bought myself 2 packets of lime juice to indulge. To hell with calories.
As I sat down to kick back my heels, I heard honking that went on for ages. Alarmed, I rushed to the windows.
Lo and behold, another wedding car! Along with their entourage of familial cars, honking around the neighbourhood, bringing the bride round to the groom’s house.
Note: Red umbrellas in the sun hurt the eyes.
Mockerings.
* * *
I was on the way home after picking up my brother from work. As usual, it was a horrid jam. But I was used to it. Just listen to music and look around you. Breathe easy.
I turned my head. Lo and behold, another bloody wedding car!!! What is this? Wedding day? Isn't it bad enough that I am single and lonely? Did you want to mock me with 3 wedding cars in a span of 8 hours? And right after watching ‘A Cinderella Story’? That is so wrong.
Omens and mockerings… Life is just filled with them. I’m so sleeping early tonight.
*Note to my overseas friends, this is a cloth scarf that the Malay women of my country wear. It can stink.
Wonderful philosophical ponderances
Something my beloved teddy bear sent me yesterday morning. My favourite is no.19. Anyone wanna be my 'gud' friend?
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1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said. "Implants?" She hit me.
4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of
your life.
12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
14. How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 for Miss America?
15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know
where it's been!"
19. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you
saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
Life is a rollercoaster
… and you just gotta ride it.
I have been extremely preoccupied for the last few days before the weekend and into the weekend. For one thing, right after that ‘conversation’ my prayers were answered about my worries on my career and money. I had 2 great news about opportunities to change to a better job with a better pay, and another job that is with an established media. I am optimistic, yet supremely afraid. I have nothing confirmed on either ends and I’m beginning to feel jumpy. There are some unpleasant vibes in my current job and I’m beginning to feel frayed at the ends.
I would dearly love to throw in the towel and focus on my side job as a translator and a project that promises good money which will go into my ‘Migrate to Australia’ money chest. But of course without any confirmation on the other job opportunities I cannot take the risk. So I’m hanging on by those frayed threads and hoping for the best. Again, I remind myself that I have to leave it all up to God. He will know what’s best.
I went back to Ipoh over the weekend. It was supposed to be a 1 1/2 hour drive, but in the end it took 2 hours. The drive took longer because of the rain and the worry that my poor old tyres cannot take the torture of a long drive. My father was pleased that I took the time off to go back for his birthday. After all, I hadn’t seen him since CNY – which was in January. I had to miss Father’s Day in June because of work. And frankly speaking, if it weren’t for his birthday, I wouldn’t have gone back, because work was that heavy. And I’m slowly drowning in work and deadlines and bad morality at work.
But I’m glad I went back, nevertheless. I guess I needed a sort of break, even if I did lug my office laptop back to work on during the free moments. And I’ve always enjoyed driving back, enjoying the scenery of the green mountains and palm oil plantations and trees and bushes. The waterfall up on the mountains was as beautiful as ever, glistening in the distant, water tumbling and crashing down the slope. Morning mists and clouds hung low amongst the hill trees. Light rain drizzling throughout the drive back, seeing the sun rising slowly, shining orange and pinkish rays through the clouds.
Now I’m back at work and it sucks – big time. Never felt more sad and disenheartened about work. Well, I have lah, but that was a long time ago.
Sigh… guess I’ll have to suffer through it stoically.
Veri gud English Part II - European
This is hilarious. But I got totally confused at the 4th paragraph! You all would, too! So no one allowed to blame me for bad English!!
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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze vorld!
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Oh God!!! lol.....
My own conversation with God
I finished the photoshoot rather early at approx 5pm. I didn’t intend to go back into the office as I had a 6.30pm appt with a friend about a project that sounded like ‘good money’, as my dear friend H. says. So as I headed out, I thought of dropping by the church for awhile, as it was on the way out, and sit awhile to ponder on some of the things that was going on in my life, with the idea that my mind might be clearer in the Lord’s house.
It started pouring just as I got out of the car and I ran for the church. There were only a few people. I knew there was a mass at 6pm, but I wasn’t interested in mass. I just wanted to contemplate my life at this juncture.
And I don’t know if I was having an actual conversation, but it felt good and calming. Perhaps like this hypnotist said before to me, “We are all capable of self-hypnotising. Some just shift into a trance more easily than others. Some don’t even know they are doing it. But you are self-hypnotising daily.”
I crossed myself and kneeled at the pew.
Hi Lord. I’m sorry I didn’t come to church on Sunday. I had a freaking headache and I didn’t want to go to A’s birthday lunch with a pain in the head and suffer through church and it. You know how much I hate pain. And personally I was tired and glad to rest at home. I’m tired.
I’m tired of working. I don’t know what I’m going anymore. But actually I shouldn’t be tired. I just am. And I… I’m just tired.
:Then why don’t you sit down?:
I tilted my head one side and thought about it. Oh. Okay. Right. And I sat down and settled myself as comfortably as I could on the hard bench, for I knew I was gonna be there for awhile.
:Alright. What do you want to do with your life?:
I mentally sputtered.
I want to be free to do the things I want, of course. I want to life where I can do whatever I want, go wherever I want. I don’t want a life where I have to control and restrain myself around my mom. I want to have career satisfaction. I want to be able to find happiness in things around me.
:Are you happy where you are now?:
I don’t know…
:Why don’t you know?:
I… I really don’t know what to say, where to tell you. I’m just a mess inside. And I’m just sometimes not bothered to go into all the hoo-hah… I hate to talk about it sometimes.
:Doesn’t matter. You know you are in my house now. Did you not know that you are to unburden yourself of all your troubles and worries at my door? Whose door could you do that to if not mine?:
Er…
:You are here. Unburden. And when you leave, leave it behind. I will take care of it.:
Feeling more assured and certainly more at ease at mind, I ‘let it go’.
Alright. I just the uppermost worry if whether or not I will be able to find a job in Australia. I certainly didn’t expect Blur to be against it now. And the money. And my career here, where am I going, why am I feeling down and demoralised at work. And the loneliness of being single… and I cannot recall the exact things I said in my mind to God. I basically ranted on and on, telling Him in detail about all my worries and fears. Now and then, I tentatively ‘checked’ whether or not I was being boring and long-winded about my ranting, but I swear I only felt reassurance and silent prompting to carry on. So I did, with no interruptions. And I finally stopped. By this time, I was conscious of being in a semi trance-like state. I didn’t doze off at all, but was totally aware in this dreamy state.
:Ok. First thing first, your job. You are now at a point where you have to accept whatever comes your way. Take it. And don’t care whether you are going somewhere with it or not. Don’t care about the future or the past. Live in the present. At the moment you are not happy with your work. That is something you can control. Go think about it. You can do something about it.
Okay, okay. I will try my best. I know I shouldn’t be complacent and I have been lately.
:Good. Second, money. People are always looking out for money. You know you can cut down on expenses. Be more conscious of this. And you know you can do translations. Just save whatever you can. Perhaps this project will help you a little.
I nodded my head mentally.
:Your cousin has a point. It isn't easy. But you knew that long ago. Nevertheless, that isn't going to stop you from trying to get work there, yes?:
Nope.
:Then carry on as you are. And you know you just have to be more careful about the way you talk to your mom. Just be more alert. About the loneliness…:
Yes? Why the pause?
:People come and go. Some are lucky, some are not. Some deal with it better, some don’t. Some are meant to be, some are not. But whatever it is, time will tell. Meanwhile, in order to cope, if you are feeling that you will avoid romance novels from now on because it makes you depress, then avoid it. You do what you need to hang on. But always bear in mind that I have all things in control, and for a reason. Okay?:
I was quiet for awhile. Then I felt a nudge.
:I am always here. You forget that you are supposed to trust in me and to leave all your daily toils and troubles in my hands.:
Yes, I know. I felt ashamed because I had not been praying daily and I only talked to Him when I’m particularly down. By this time I was already slowly sliding back into the conscious state.
:Then carry on, my dear. Ah… it’s rosary time. You know that you should be talking more to Mother now, don’t you?:
Yes, Lord.
And I felt calmer and more at peace when I stepped out the church. The rain had stopped. The air felt clean and despite the rain, the traffic didn’t seem frantic. Everything seemed to me, to take on a more peaceful layer. And I really did leave everything at His house. I just realised it now that I’m safe at home, after a shower, glad of a good piece of news of this project, that will set me up nicely in savings.
The ‘conversation’ was more or less in that sequence. Certainly His replies were much more profound and meaningful. I can only simplify his words from memory (or lack of one for me!). But the most important thing is this feeling of unburdening of the heart… it’s so much lighter.
Very gud Ingglish
Heading off to my photoshoot in ten. So just taking a little time to post this funny story about the way Malaysians talk. Well, at least, the Ah Bengs lah.
For my overseas friends, read it literally. The Ah Bengs here in Asia really talk like that. It's a laughing crime. hahahhaaa... Enjoy.
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Even an Englishman could not concoct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians, Singaporeans and Chinese.
Lim Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1.
This is what he came up with......
"1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also ask me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1."
Balance in religion
Tonight I passed my brother’s room and saw with a certain amount of surprise that he still kneels beside his bed, head bowed over hands clasped together, praying before bedtime.
And I don’t even pray anymore.
When did it stop becoming a habit, I’m not really sure. One day I just stopped and never even realised.
I cannot count the numerous times I’ve questioned God and His ways and the rants of why life was unfair to me. And I also cannot count the numerous times I pray to Mary and Jesus for strength whenever I have the cold wars with my mom.
I keep my rosary with me in my handbag. But I’ve not used in a long while. There was a period where I was so shaky that I said it in the car on the drive to work, and I said it in the office during a break, and I said it in the car on the drive home. And then I said it in bed. I was that bad.
I think I’m fairly comfortable with religion. I don’t go around preaching to people that they must be religious. Hell, I’m not even a twice-a-year Christian. I just pray whenever I want. And I have faith. And I know there’s only one God… I think.
… I played with Wicca for a while a few years back. Ok, I didn’t ‘play’ it. I attempted to understand it. I love nature. If I could, I would leave Malaysia and settle in the country with the most beautiful countryside, with lush green hills and cool forests with waterfalls and lakes and ponds. I was intrigued with a religion that focused so much on nature and the natural way of things. I liked its simplicity and opened-ness. I like the carefree manners of the worshippers. Most of all, I wanted that inner balance that I see in some Wiccans.
I’ve not pursued that anymore. I don’t have the time or the presence of mind or the privacy to. Perhaps when I get to Australia I’ll go back to it again. But not now.
Anyway, my eyes are sliding shut slowly. I got a huge day tomorrow. Got a function in the morning, and in the afternoon I have a photoshoot with Amy Mastura. I’m nervous about that. But hell, I’ll live. And then I have a dinner date with someone about a project. I need money.
*yawn*
Traces of love
Faded photograph
Covered now with lines and creases
Tickets torn in half, memories in bits and pieces
Traces of love long ago that didn't work out right
Traces of love
Things we used to share
Souvenirs of days together
The ring he used to wear
Pages from an old love letter
Traces of a love long ago that didn't work out right
Traces of love with me tonight
I close my eyes and say a prayer
That in his heart he'll find a trace of love still there,
Somewhere
Traces of hope in the night that he'll come back and dry
These traces of tears from my eyes
Traces of hope in the night that he'll come back and dry
These traces of tears from my eyes
In Honor of Stupid People
Something funny for the weekend.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's 'just' a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even chuckle)... in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
When Hell freezes over... or does it?
I like this a helluva lot!
Takes some time to understand totally. The only word you need the dictionary for is 'Freshman' year. Well, at least, for me.
My pc had been crashing a few times today and so I decided to clean it up. And found this. So I'd like to share it with you all.
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This is for those interested in heaven and hell...
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid term.The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:-
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, '...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.' and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."
The student received the only "A" given.
Steady on...
Today's planetary energies
Try to make sure you get some quality time to yourself today, JENNIFER. Your Scorpio nature is one that thrives on intensity of thought, creativity, sexuality, and emotion. Without adequate time alone in a space that is comfortable for you, you may begin to feel worn out. Such things as irritability or withdrawal can be strong indicators that it's high time you got some time to be alone with yourself. Make some plans for this today.
Yep. Yoga. Not very steady still. Going today.
This is not the first time that I'm being affected by the emotions around me, mostly due to the people I'm close to or affectionate with. If my friends have good news, I'm happy for them. If my friend is sad, I really am sad too. If they are devastated, you bet your bottom dollar I'm just as devastated. Which is bad, as my Bach expert told me before. I have to control my emotions. Unfortunately I'm not very good at it.
When two good friends broke up, I crashed to the bottom of the sea. Subsconsciously I knew that they would break up one day. How I knew is a mystery. I just knew. Yet I foolishly hoped that I would be wrong. And when the thing fell apart, I fell hard. Partially because I was using them as my gauge for true relationship happiness. When it didn't work, I felt as if no relationship would work. Which is stupid. I can't base all relationships on just one. It's incomparable.
I know better now. And I've learnt to better control my emotions.
But this one still hit me hard.
Getting a firmer grip now...
Ms Pomelo is taking meds again
I'm taking my meds again... starting tonight... have not been taking my Bach for months! Cos I had such a high from the Soul Retreat in May. Must say though, that it's certainly a record for not having had a depression attack and having much better control over it this time. But I'm taking it cos I need a little help.
I've got another nickname again.
My colleague (circulations exec) asked a favour, cos the supermarket was on the way home.
"Could you help me buy some apples and oranges please?"
"Sure. But whatever for?"
"It's to thank our client for being supportive. We're giving her a
fruit basket."
"Ok. How many?"
"20 apples and 20 oranges."
"What? That much? How am I to carry that much?!"
"Sure, you can!" piped in Sc. "You're a cow! You got strength!"
I strangled him. But apparently not enough because as I went off, I
heard this.
"There goes Ms Pomelo off to buy apples and oranges."
Great.
Memories
Mem’ries
light the corners of my mind
Misty water color mem’ries
of the way we were.
Scattered pictures
of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
for the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten ev’ry line
If we had the chance to do it all again
tell me - Would we?
Could we?
Mem’ries
may be beautiful, and yet
what’s too painful to remember
we simply choose to forget
so it’s the laughter
we will remember
when ever we remember
the way we were
the way we were
Had a little weep in the stairwell after I hung up from talking to my teddybear. Perhaps it was the emotions of it all merging together that sparked off the tears - sorrow, confusion, lost, joy, worry and loneliness. But whatever it is, I felt better after having done it. I suppose crying is the only emotion outlet when there is no one to listen.
Yoyo
My emotions is a fucking yoyo right now. It tends to be that way after an emotional episode of the heart.
I’m very angry and very depressed over the fact that at the end of the day I’m all alone, weighted down with financial problems, career uncertainty and personal internal conflict.
I guess everything all boils down to financial worries. I need money. But who doesn’t? Yet I always feel that I am in the most need compared to others.
Tonight we’ve having dinner with a few close friends cos it’s one of us’s birthdays. And I’m planning to treat. Via credit card. And it’s depressing because the person who is earning the most is clamouring for me to give the treat. Which I will, by virtue that I owe the gang one meal, and I’ve stood up the gang one too many times. So it’s time to pay off. And it’s my best friend’s birthday.
But I’m more pissed with this person who earns more because after all his bills and whatnot, he still has RM1800 to play with, which would most likely go to beer, cigarettes and food. Whereas I have only about RM200, if I’m lucky it’ll be RM400, which is not lucky anyway, because that means I have shortchanged one or two of my obligations and bills. So the debt piles up and the circle starts all over again and it never ends. And yet he bitches about how he doesn’t have money and how he cannot find another job that pays him well or better than what he is getting now. Sometimes I just wanna bitch-slap him.
And I’m seriously considering prostituting myself. Which is stupid, foolish and just plain stupid.
Had one of my white nights two nights ago and I sms-ed this person because he said he knew people. And when he incredulously asked if I was serious, I didn’t reply. I could say I was almost ashamed. But I’m at a point right now where I don’t fucking care. The world is a cruel and harsh and realistic world. Money talks. Money pays bills. Money ensures that food is ample and futures are secure.
I didn’t reply because I still cannot overcome the one thing that is stopping me from prostituting myself. My principles. Or maybe it’s just my sense of self-love.
Someone told me long ago that if a person still has yet to experience love, it’s because they don’t know how to love themselves. Maybe. I don’t know. Ask me if I love myself and I cannot answer because, I still don’t know how to love myself. Perhaps this inability to go forth and pursue that avenue is because I have an inept sense of self-love. I don’t know.
Someday we'll know
Ninety miles outside Chicago
can't stop driving I don't know why
So many questions, That need an answer
Two years later, you're still on my mind
Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart
Who holds the stars up in the sky
Is true love just once in a lifetime
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?
Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
why I wasn't meant for you
Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
What the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the ninety-seventh time, tonight
Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know that I was the one for you
I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
Watch the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me, tonight?
Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know that I was the one for you
*For K and T.
Heartsore
The Wanderer is back.
It’s 3am and I just came back from a dinner and evening outing with my ex-student-turn-good friend.
He had fled to Canada after his partner had passed away early this year. It was a sad, no, tragic ending to a true love relationship.
He called me to meet up, saying that he had to meet me before he left again. So I did go out. The strange thing was that I had been thinking of him for the past few weeks, wondering how he was, and then he calls me.
I met him at KLCC and he had brought with him his partner’s cousin brother, who is also gay.
We had dinner, we walked Bintang Walk and we bought some silly toys; I bought a Chinese fan for my US friend and he bought a bubble gun for himself and his friend to play. Then J (the boy) took us to this club called Frangipani to sit and drink.
We drank and we joked and we laughed. Towards the end, he and I sat close together, me leaning on his shoulder and he lying back. And he talked about how much he missed him.
I felt torn. I could feel his pain acutely. His body shuddered as he cried silently. He didn’t mind so much that it wasn’t fair that his love was taken away, so much as the fact that he wasn't given a chance to see through the relationship. He and his partner had planned to go to UK and start a new life there. But before they could do anything about it, his partner had an episode of a terminal illness that was fatal and, he wasn’t around at his side.
I think that’s what tears him apart most. That he wasn’t there. And that the relationship didn’t have a chance to grow. That he felt cheated.
After a long while, he got up to wash his face and I wearily leaned back against J’s shoulder and we rested our heads against each other’s. (Strange, though we had just met, we felt a slight closeness.)
“Thank you for helping him,” said J.
“No. I couldn’t help him.” I really didn’t feel that I helped. He was so sad, that I almost cried with him. J took out a tissue for me to wipe the tears that flowed then.
“I couldn’t help. I don’t know how to help him. He cannot move on and he doesn’t know how to move on. And I don’t know how to help him to move on.” J didn’t say anything.
Feeling moony and stupid because of the drinking tonight. Had some drinks with funny names like Concubine and Perfect Manhattan. Also had Mai Tai, Harvey Wallbanger, Mangolicious and Jamaican Breeze with him and J. Anticipate a good sleep.
But still feeling sad and helpless.
Tomorrow I will see him again before he heads off to Germany. He said earlier that he didn’t know why he was running all over the world. Trying to escape the memories here in KL.
I feel so sad for him. And I feel so helpless for not being able to help him. Can anyone tell me how do you help mend a broken heart?
Twisted logic
This is an example of a conversation at the office with my designers involved.
“Sp., now that you’re seeing a doctor, the next one you should be seeing is a plastic surgeon.” I said this afternoon cos she was lamenting the fact that this weekend her current squeeze was too busy.
She laughed.
“Yeah, cos she need plastic surgery.” Sc piped in.
“Oui! So bad!” said my editor, R.
“Hey! I didn’t mean it that way, ok!” I said.
“Well, you started it first,” said Sc.
“No, you did.”
“Yeah, you did.” R. decided to side with Sc.
Hmph. “Why did you say that anyway, Jenn?”
“Because she was previously dating a chiropractor. And now she’s dating a doctor. So the next one should ideally be a plastic surgeon!”
“Ohh…..”
“Yeah, she’s crazy. Cos all these doctors and medical people are crazy,” said Sc.
“Oui!” protested Sp.
“Yeah. Doctors see sick people all the time, so they kinda become sick and crazy too.”
See the kind of logic I’m fed on a daily basis? Twisted.
I said ‘dick’ to my editor!
Something’s wrong with me.
I just said ‘dick’ to my editor!
Yesterday at the meeting I was retelling some conversation that included the word ‘fuck’ and said it out loud. My colleagues looked wide-eyed at me, but I was oblivious and I actually said ‘fuck’ a second time. By then I’d already caught on the stares.
Today we headed out for another meeting and again I said the word ‘fuck’ because I was talking about the jam I got caught in yesterday after work and this morning coming in late. I caught my colleague eyeing me from the corner of her eyes.
And just now while she was not at her desk I took a message from an interesting-sounding guy called Manuel, with a cute accent. When she returned I accused her of cheating her husband and seeing this hot Spanish dick on the side!
I swear it popped out of my mouth just like that! I didn’t plan it. It just popped!
I covered my mouth with my hands in horror at my audacity and fear that she’ll reprimand me for saying that to her. She laughed.
“Calm down, Jenn.” She said. “Get a grip.”
Of what? The dick? Or me?
*wail*
That's three times in a row! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!!!
Just call me Mary-Anne
I’ve always wanted a simple life.
A simple life with wonderful family, supportive friends, good career with a loving to come home to and to cuddle on thunderstorm nights.
However, my life is boring. But it doesn’t mean it’s simple. I have a difficult mother to deal with, a selectively perceptive (purposely ignorant) father, and an autistic brother. I have wonderful friends who are busy, equally screwed-up and with better lives than me. I have a substantial career but with me wanting to migrate I don’t know where or how I’ll end up. To summarise, I don’t have anyone special in my life.
But these few days I’ve been a regular Mary-Anne.
For the overseas people, Mary-Anne came from a famous Hong Kong drama serial that had a maid working for the protagonist family.
Mary-Anne was the live-in maid from Philippines for this family in the drama series, whose name I have forgotten. She was street-wise, clever, hardworking and funny-funny. Basically she was quite a person to have handy to run errands and help get her charges out of scrapes. But she too got into scrapes! Ever since this show my family has a standing joke about being servants around the house and so handily calls any family member Mary-Anne to get a drink or get something done. So since my mom was in Singapore I was her Mary-Anne for the past few days. Just before she left she gave me a list of things to do in her absence, which included taking her car for servicing and collecting items from shops. Which made me late for work this morning cos it was freaking jam.
Having said all that I realise that it’s not right to say things like this. Life is life and what you make of it is your life. There is no way to compare it with other people’s lives. What they have may not be what you really want. What you have may not be something they would want.
Well, they certainly shouldn’t want to want what you have! They gotta be stupid. Says my Bad Self.
You have lots of good things! Don’t be ungrateful. Says my Good Self.
Hey! She didn’t ask to be born with the family she has.
God gave her those things for a reason. If anything, it has made her stronger than any other normal people. At least she’s alive and kicking and didn’t succeed in buying it.
Can the two of you shut up enough for me to think?!!
No!
I have too many voices in my head. They go circling around sniping at each other at times, and sometimes they keep quiet at crucial times when I need some push or guidance at crossroads.
Sometimes I wake up wanting to be a much more happening person who goes parties every night and shops every weekend like crazy. But then I know it’s not going to happen.
Sometimes I wake up wanting to be that calm, serene lady who has seen and experience some things to know better than to want a tumulous life.
I should know better. I should take what I am giving and make the bad work in my favour. And I should give thanks for the good, for not many people are lucky to have the good that I have.
So it boils down to what good do I have?
For this I will need time to look upon and to consolidate.
Mary-Anne was a simple gurl too. All she wanted was a good family to work and live with, good friends and a good man.
Which reminds me, I have to cancel the hotel booking for my mom. And make dinner reservations at the restaurant for a family dinner tonight (cos she and my aunt are coming back from Singapore today). And remember to pick up another package for my mom at this herbal shop.
Yes, just call me Mary-Anne today.
"Where can I find a wife?"
“Where can I find a wife?”
My editor’s unofficially adopted son E. asked her recently. She brought him to the office about three weeks ago and he’s so cute. She’s definitely got a handful.
“So what did you tell him?”
“I told him he doesn’t have to worry about it for another 20 years at least.”
“Whatever prompted that question?”
“I don’t know.”
My designer S. piped in. “It’s alright. I remember my little cousin asked the same question and he’s still asking it now.”
“How old is he now?”
“3 yrs old. So what did you tell him?”
My editor mumbled something that he couldn’t catch and suddenly gave an exclamation. “What?! Someone who looks like Anita Sarawak?”
“What?!!” We all shouted in horror.
“No, serious. I thought I heard you said get someone who looks like
Anita Sarawak.”
I couldn’t stop laughing. Anita Sarawak may be quite a famous singer here in our ‘fair’ country but she certainly isn’t a looker in my opinion. I’m sure that E. can do better.
“I think he saw some wedding couples somewhere,” said my editor.
Good Lord. Kids really say the darnest things.
Stoned...
I am so stoned...
Moving very slowly...
Not talking alot...
Wish I had a bed to curl into at the office...
Let me have that pillow...
Man, my head's light...
I woke up to some funny man's song this morning... can't for the life of me remember who or what now... Damn...
And my bed was so warm and cosy...
Starting to yawn now... I think I'm winding down... slowly...
Shit...
I am SOOO in trouble later…
It’s 1am, Thursday morning, right now.
I just finished transcribing the bloody tape.
And I need to get up at 6am for work… shit… less than 5 hours of sleep… shit, shit, shit. I’m so gonna get my migraine because of this soon…
I really hate translation sometimes. It’s tedious. You crack your head over the appropriate term. You also have to consider the fact that the words are not literally the meaning. That’s it’s figurative and you have to spell it out, because it’s a translation.
Shit… I’m gonna be so zombie-dized at work later… shit…
Interesting light trivia
Today’s Light Trivia from the
radio station was this really interesting question, that was answered by a man, who admitted that it was his wife who thought of the answer. “You go, gurl!”
Question: What is the only English word with 11 alphabets, that starts and ends with the same 3 letters?
Couldn’t figure the answer myself so I stuck around in my car in the parking lot waiting for it to be answered.
No cheating. Think about it. But if you can’t figure it out, click
here for a clue.
