Wednesday, March 30, 2005

No phone coverage

My senior writer has been stationed out in Bandar Acheh to report on the going-ons there, for he is a staff of the Red Cross Malaysia. And since the tremor yesterday we've been thinking about him constantly. But he's so absolutely fearless!! All he's really worried about is the lack of communication lines to report what's going on!!

His first 2 emails were quite interesting. I may put them up later, but for now, I'm just gonna put up what he wrote last night after his short email yesterday morning to reassure us that he was alive.

I am now stationed in Meulaboh, to the south of BA. I will only depart for Nias tomorrow morning. I am at the IFRC camp (literally functioning out of tents). I don't have telephone coverage. We've had bad network coverage since the earthquake last night -- my housemates could not call me and I could not call them. But I did manage to call Jenny in Bangkok to help her with the information bulletin Geneva was issuing out, but the line was extremely bad and we lost each other more than once. However, since that phone call at 11.30 this morning, it has been hard to call anyone in Indonesia. I tried calling my boss Howard in Jakarta but no luck. I am now using a satellite phone, but unfortunately, Virgil and I only brought one phone and Virgil is using it for his work (he will be stationed in Meulaboh and I will be in Nias tomorrow). We have to sort out this communication problem as I also need to keep in touch with Virgil tomorrow. We shall see what Holger, head of operations, will do about this situation.

X, tell parents not to worry, I will be going to Nias with Axel, the BA programme coordinator, and Vera, the relief delegate, so everything will be OK. We have a little plane at our disposal, so if anything were to happen, we can hop on the plane to safety. No delegate has been hurt and everyone has been looking out for everybody else. Don't worry about me, I am OK, not traumatised or scared, just stressed (can I perform the task handed to me? am I able to write? can I contribute to the information bulletin?) and excited at the same time (this is the adventure of a lifetime! I could die!). I will touchbase with everyone when I get the chance tomorrow.

I am now working on the information bulletin for Geneva and will be briefed by Holger as to what is expected of me tomorrow.

Scared, stressed and excited from a tent in Meulaboh and whoops, the earth just moved again.


I absolutely admire his guts and dedication towards his work and fearlessness!! He may be there for about 3 months. Another 2 more months to go!! While all those quakes are happening!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Something's in the Air

I don't if it's from watching Babs getting lucky with 2 toms, or if it's Provence, or the Fates fooling with me, but when I got a message from a guy I met online sometime ago for a 'wine, dine, & 69', I felt something weird's going on.

Close encounter with sex 3 days in a row...

*looking to the sky for a sign*

Monday, March 28, 2005

Inconsequential questions?

I am finally done with the Business Ethics outline. But I’m still worried about payment. This is the same gurl who was supposed to be working with me on that major course outline project but fell through. That client was so uncertain that she didn’t want to do that project. This client wasn’t willing to pay a half down payment, but only after the work is submitted… I hope she gets the client to pay promptly!

Possible solution: Can I just submit half of the work done first, and submit the last half only when I get paid?

Meanwhile, I got a question.

What has been happening since the last time I stopped medicating the kits. No longer medicating them cos they have taken to reside inside this drain with a small hole. I can’t put my hand in to pull Jack and Ash out unless they come out.

But in any case, I don’t want to make it a habit that they can come anytime and be fed. There will only be trouble later if they expect to be fed.

Also, three toms have been hanging around Babs. I think she’s in heat. Despite the young ages of Jack and Ash!!!

Last night, I saw this tabby tom trying to mate with her. I think he managed to screw her cos she was making all those loud noises.

Today another white and orange tom has been hanging around her and I heard her making those loud noises again in the late evening. I think he was banging her.

Question: Can a queen actually mate with a few toms during her ‘in heat’ period?!

I mean… wouldn’t the eggs be confused? So which sperm fertilises the eggs? The first tom or the second tom? Or do both toms’ sperm fertilise the eggs??

*mind boggled*

I anticipate that when Babs gives birth to the next litter of kittens that she will appear on our doorstep to be fed!!!

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Peaky weekend

Almost done finishing writing up the course outline for this subject called Business Ethics. Freelance job.

I’m feeling both appalled and incredulous over the fact that I’m writing a whole course outline inclusive of syllabus and focus questions for a degree subject.

Hey, it pays for half of my air ticket to Aussieland.

Researching it has been interesting. The topic is interesting already. Though not my field, it has been interesting, cos you see familiar names here and there. Hi Kant, how're you doing? Oh, Aristotle, what are you doing in this part of the world? Marx, you look a little peaky over there under the moral limelight.

So am I. I believe if I could watch a video of me doing all these I could be looking pale and peaky. Ethical relativism completely washed over my head. I am still wondering why they fired Robert Greeley. And I think I would make a great whistle-blower.

Seriously... *whistling*

Friday, March 25, 2005

Of children and mothers

I was talking with that yoga lady yesterday, the one who offered me to do the Teach Children’s Yoga programme. One of her classes are these kids of rich parents, you know, those who find tuition and hobby classes for their children while they go out gallivanting on social jaunts. Yeah, part-time babysitters of sorts. And they obviously love the yoga classes as they get attention and they feel good about themselves.

Hey, yoga rules!

And whenever she cancels class due to some unavoidable circumstances, they are all devastated. She sympathises, but inside her thoughts are, ‘Hey, I’m not your mom.’

Which is true. If you are going to be a social butterfly, or a Society personality, please do future unborn children a favour, don’t have children. If you think you are going to be busy running around doing stuff, why would you want an extra burden of having to think about getting a regular baby sitter, when to remember to block certain days for important school events, but end up missing it because you forgot or feel obligated to this social event or that social appointment. Aren’t you more obligated to the children you bring into this world?

And I imagine that if children want the attention of their parents, so do parents having arrived at a certain age wanting the attention of their children.

A friend asked me yesterday if I would miss my parents when I’m over in Australia, and she was shocked when I gave a quick, unhesitant reply ‘No’.

I’ve been through this conversation numerous times. Sometimes I think it would save lots of questions if I just said ‘Yes’. But I can’t lie. I really wouldn’t. Because, come on, I’m not going forever. I will come back.

But I reflect on the past 2 weeks of having breakfast with my mom. I think that while the relationship cannot be as good as I would have liked it to be, compared to lots of mother-daughter relationships I’ve seen, it can be passable, in my opinion at least. I know that when I’m over there, there will be days when I will recall having breakfast with her and enjoying those simple half-hours with her.

And that will tie me for awhile. And I hope, her too.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Meowing and scratching

Lots of noises in the box.

Jack: let me out, let me out.

Ash: meow…….

Jack: (scratching box lid) let me out!

Ash: Meow…….

Jack bumps head against lid, which opens slightly.

Ash: meow?

Jack: let me out please…. (scratch scratch)

Ash: I want mommy…

Jack: Mommy ain’t here. We have to get to her.

Ash: I don’t think we can get out.

Jack: We have to try. Let’s bump heads together.


Ash: er… I think they put something heavy on the lid.

Jack: (gives up) Ok, we might as well sleep… we’ll see her tomorrow I’m sure.

Momma Babs: Ash, will you please hurry up? I want to be off before that crazy human comes back.

Ash ignores her and continues to gorge himself with tuna.

Jack: Mommy, play with me.

Momma Babs: (resigned) I already am. Have you managed to catch my tail yet? (swishing tail)

Jack: (pounces on thin air) No! Stay! Don’t move!

Momma Babs: (muttering) As if… Ash! Have you finished already? Your brother Jack was done hours before. (goes into box)

Ash: (mouth full) Mom… you are (munch-munch-munch) crowding me … in here.

Jack: Mommy! Mommy! Here they come!

* * *
I was peeping through the peephole to see how Momma Babs was treating them. But she seems to still want them despite so much human contact.

This morning was the last morning I will be feeding and medicating them. Ash is very lively now, he even meows very loudly when I was medicating Jack and he was in the box waiting his turn.

It was great to look at them and feel the satisfaction of having nursed them to health. For someone who hasn’t had a pet cat in all her life, I think I did pretty well handling them. Sort of prepares me when I start my animal haven later in life. So now I know how it is to medicate squirming cats... (smile)

When I'm in Australia, I'll definitely keep one!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Jack and Ash

I started to call them both Jack and Jill, then I corrected myself in time, and thought, If I gave them the names of Jack and Bill, it would be so quaint. But I already had the name Ash in my head cos of his colouring.

So it’s Jack and Ash.

Ash is the good natured one. He allows me to feed him his meds, while Jack balks at me medicating him and will back away if he can. He even bit me on two days ago. Hmph. I had to medicate myself with tea tree oil!

I have a feeling today might be the day they walk off and never look back.

They were with their mother in the drain when I came back from work yesterday. Or maybe it was just that mommycat wanted to spend time with them, ensure they’re alright, but did not take them far cos she knows that they are getting the care they need. But I know they will run off when they are well. And I’m okay with that.

I can’t keep them. My mom will chuck me out the door before she chucks them out. But she’s been willing to let me medicate them, keep them in the house at night, so I’m very grateful as it is. I don’t need to keep them. I’m happy just knowing that I was finally able to take care of my beloved kin folk… short it may be, I’m happy. (smile)

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Poor things

The poor things seemed to have been abandoned by their mother. I haven't heard her meowing since I came back after work...

The ash-furred one was much better cos he slept with us in the house. The other one, whom I returned to mothercat last night wasn't so good. But he still protested when I tried to feed him water and meds. The ash was good and took his meds like a good boy.

I've decided to keep them in the house tonight. Tomorrow morning will have to put them out again. Hopefully the mother comes back.

Here's a photo of them, with cloudy eye and red-rimmed lid still.

Sick... Posted by Hello

Monday, March 21, 2005

Update on Project Medicate-Sick-Kit

Set my alarm for 5.45am this morning so that I could go downstairs to seek out the less-sick kit for medication and eye-cleaning.

Couldn’t find him and the mothercat in the box I set him in, but found them round the corner, near the construction area. I walked right up to scoop the kit in my hands, while she made the low growling noises at me.

She didn’t follow me, although she did meow a few times. So I took the kit home and began to clean out his eyes, who didn’t like the feel and tried to squirm away. He was better, eyes less red. Then filled the syringe with the antibiotics. But it shook his head free at the last minute, so I don’t think it had its prescribed 0.5ml.

Mom was really good about the whole thing. She even prepared the food and milk for the kits while I dealt with the sicker kit.

Who was much better. Could sit up when I opened the lid to bring him out for the meds. And he liked the antibiotics better! Phew.

But both of them didn’t care much for milk. Gobbled the tuna though. That’s a consolation.

But mom put her foot down on taking the sick kit out and put under the stairs.

‘No keeping in the house!’

‘But mom…’

‘The mother will bring them back again. Cos you can feed them. Today after work you come back and medicate them again.’


So I’m going to pack up at 5.30 sharp and go back to see if they’re around. Hopefully the mothercat didn’t move them away. Cos the sicker kit is too weak.

New Kit Sitter on the Block

I don't know whether I'm stupid, foolish, or hopeful... I hope I know what I'm doing...

I just finished handling two straycats and their mother the whole evening.... don't know if I should be upsetting nature...

Ok ok... let's start from the very beginning....

Had just returned from dinner outside and noticed this mothercat guarding a kitten in the middle of a parking lot. It seemed to be shivering. We just chalked it up to a wet kit.

But then the car owner came back and was about to drive straight into her lot, when the mothercat hissed and ran, but the kit didn't budge.

I ran and grabbed the kit. Saw that it was blind and shivering. Then noticed another kit not too far off, shivering also, but had red-rimmed eyes.

Was so afraid for them both that I took them to find a vet. But the vet had gone home. Only the assistant was around. She said that the first wasn't blind, only afflicted with cat flu. Asked me if I was going to take care of them.

I couldn't think. I still don't know if I'm going to take care of them, what with my mom hating cats and all. But I said, give me the antibiotics for a few days, and I'll see what I can do. She said I could give them to PAWs later.

I brought the two kits back home. Tried to feed them a little food and milk, but they didn't stomach it. So I just left them to sleep. But my best friend was telling me that I should give one back to mommy, otherwise she'll move on, and leave me with two kits. So I gave her back the one less sick, the other one was so sick it didn't budge at all when I moved the box and took its brother out. Both are males.

I left some food and milk for them both. The mothercat meowed a bit. But I hope that she doesn't move the kit, so that I could medicate him once before I leave for work tomorrow morning. I'll be leaving the sicker bro at home. Can't take leave off work... wish I could.

Poor little kit still sleep in his box... hope he will be alright for the night... it's only cat flu... lots of straycats live through it, no? He should be alright....

*crossing fingers*

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Head spinning like a tumbling wash machine

I haven’t been updating properly but speaking in… tongues, riddles, nuances, ‘cos my head’s just spinning and my brain’s just tumbling along. Too many things happening simultaneously.

I was offered the opportunity to take up a course to teach children’s yoga. It was only going to take up 2 weekends (which turned out to be 2 days - Saturday and Sunday) and the certificate was internationally recognized and I would be able to teach in Aussieland when I move.

Problem: It costs RM1200.

It’s not a lot of money compared to many other training programmes I know, but it’s the lump sum that I cannot fork out, and I cannot pay by installments.

Process: I thought it was a good thing, that was worth borrowing money for, ‘cos I would rather teach yoga than to work at McD’s. So I was scrambling around doing that, but I only managed to find 2 people. Yet at the back of my mind, I knew that if I needed to borrow money to do something to allow me to earn some money there, then it wasn’t worth it.

Conclusion: I had left a message online for my best friend to ask her advice, ‘cos she did tell me to inform her when I’m doing things like this; she’s my newly adopted financial advisor. On the second day she frantically called to say that it wasn’t a good idea. And after listening to her explaining, it made sense. After all, I should use my existing skills to earn a living, not go and attain another skill, which might not work. So I have told the lady that I would be taking it up. Haven’t heard from her yet, but I know she’ll be disappointed.

My best friend came down to help me sort out my finances and to tell me something important. I have homework. Got to find out some stuff to solve my finances. That’s one headache.

Conclusion: I might have to put aside my pride and borrow money from my friend who’s willing to do so with no strings attached. This is nothing immense I know. But it might have to be done. Plus it’s not as if I’m not going to return them the money ever, reasons my best friend. Sigh…


I feel time drawing closer and closer. Suddenly I felt as if I have no time to settle the work at the magazine just before I leave. Suddenly I felt that I had to work out all the articles till end of the year pronto. Suddenly I felt as though I had left it too long.

So I was doing a flurry of arrangements with my freelancers, to cover the issues till Nov/Dec. I had already decided to leave at the end of August, so if I take my one-month resignation notice into consideration, I don’t have that much time left.

Because of my finances, I’ve resorted to jumble sales.

I’ve been collecting a lot of media door gifts at home. And when my mom complained about them again, a light bulb suddenly lit up. Hey, why don’t I sell them all?

So I took 3 days to compile them all into a list, and also tested the ‘market’ a little by a few friends if they would be interested in buying the items. I had put them all into 4 categories: Cosmetics, Skincare, Toiletries and Miscellaneous.

Anyone want an Esprit scarf?

So I’ve done up the list and emailed to friends, so that they could help me circulate to their friends.

Mom has been extremely upset about her new job, ‘cos the management is a dickhead. And so I’ve been spending mornings having breakfast with her for a week now. So I couldn’t go into the office as early as I used to. So my net surfing time has been seriously compromised.

Again it’s the finances that is worrying her. And me. Her job is so horrid that she’s willing to resign this RM1800 job for a simple clinic nurse job at our area that only pays RM600. How desperately can one be?

I tried to reason with her. It’s not that I don’t feel sympathetic towards her situation (the stupid management asked her – a 56 yr old woman – to go to their warehouse and clear out files and documents that are piled high to the ceiling, to move them to another stupid fucking far warehouse, with no intention of hiring movers) at work, but we seriously cannot survive with only RM600 income. That’s too little. She agreed and when we talked about it over the week over breakfast, she’s been calmer and she’s able to logically see that she doesn’t need to resign now, but she can start looking around for another job. The minute she has found a better one, she can leave.

A lot of strange behavoiurs happening at work. My editor’s behaving strangely. My designer and I can’t explain why. We don’t feel secure working here anymore. And both of us feel that her heart’s not in the job anymore.

The new marketing team is also very unhappy. What’s happening is that they both are doing 3 person’s job on top of their own right now. Seeing them being treated so unfairly makes me angry.

My best friend is also in the same situation, ‘cos two of her exec have resigned and left, and guess who’s told to pick up where they left off?

I’m sick of our companies here. Why are they being so sneaky, by hiring someone to come in to do one scope of work, paid one person’s salary, and then find when they start that they are expected to pick up the other previously resigned person’s job, and the other one, and the other one too? With no added allowances? Don’t they realize that this will make the employee unhappy and eventually resign for a better job?

I’m very pissed with my management right now. Seeing them makes me wanna slap them.

So that’s the whole gist of what’s been keeping me occupied. Sigh… another week, another weekend. This weekend I’m also tied up with a few things; an alumni meet and a gathering by my yoga instructor.
I need a vacation.

Thursday, March 17, 2005


I don’t want to talk about it
I don’t want to dwell on it

Don’t ask me things at the office
Don’t ask me to tell you gossips
I’m tired of it all
I’m sick of its crap
Just let me pretend for a minute
That they all don’t exist
They all are invisible.

I know you are glad you’re out while I’m still in
I know you are gloating you’ve escaped while I’m still suffering
But I don’t need you to rub it in
I don’t need you to be puffed up more
I don’t need you to mouth negatives even more

I know the reason you are coming round to see me
Is just so you can reaffirm your luck
I know the reason you want to meet me, saying it’s to catch up
Is to satisfy your lust for knowledge of other people’s stupidity

Today I don’t want to talk about it
Today I don’t want to satisfy anyone but me
Today I don’t want to be filled with more negativity
Today I don’t want to see you
But don’t you dare call me antisocial

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

More often

Yes, I admit readily that I am a night owl.

I am at my most alert at night. It is the time that I use to think about the important things, such as finances.

It is not that I purposely think at this time. It is just that there is nothing creeping up on your senses to distract you, as the day tends to do, and your mind is at the most quiet (I will not say ‘peaceful’) at night, that you are compelled to think, when the light delivers the dark.

And I had become wary of the night. I had purposely avoided the night, avoided the thinking. God surely did not mean for humans to think of so much things. He had everything planned out for us. But we had to screw it up and give up that privilege, with that first bite of the Forbidden Fruit. Oh, the price of knowledge, vanity, egoism!

Times like this I am able to take a more sensible mood, and know that I am able to maintain this mood for quite some time.

I recognize that this is possible because I had a ‘break’. But I know this was at the expense of my dearest one. In order for this ‘break’ to somewhat rejuvenate my mood and strike me awake, she had to go home with an extra burden of having to help me solve my problems.

And her burdens are as heavy as mine. Dearest, forgive me.

You don’t think enough about your problems, she said. I guess so.

From today I shall think about my problems more. I promised her.

At that time I didn’t agree with what she said. But deep down, I knew she was right. Problems need to be kept in mind, so that solution can be thought of. I didn’t that. And so the problems snowballed.

Think about me more often, she said. That way you’ll think twice before doing nonsensical things.

Thinking and applying are two different things. I haven’t been applying. I shall start now.

Yes, dear, I shall think about you, more often, more than before, which is everyday.

Monday, March 14, 2005


I had a really… interesting… enlightening… special weekend… yes, special is one way to put it.

Informational is another word… brain still processing…

Too much parameters.

Too much emotion.

Too much to save.

Too little time to work them all.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Not a cloud in the sky

*serenely typing*

*listening to Sarah crooning on speakers*

I'm not gonna let anything marr my day today. Nor am I gonna let anything ruin my weekend. I'm just going to breeze along today.

My twin soul, the heart of my heart, my bestest friend is coming up from Spore this morning to stay overnight.
In 10 minutes she'll be boarding the bus. This afternoon she'll be here in KL.

After work, after sending my bro home from work, I'm gonna drive up to town to meet her. To have dinner. Then back to her hotel.

And we'll gonna have a blast.

We've not had a heart-to-heart talk since years ago. I'm looking forward to bonding again.

Today's a good day. Playcat's coming to town.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

It's the Grand Sale

Woman: Welcome everyone to the third session of Shopaholic Anonymous. How is everyone doing?
People: Okay. Alright. Great.
Woman: Alright. Jane, how are you doing?
Jane: (simpering) I haven’t shopped for 2 days!
Woman: Excellent! Mark?
Mark: (stuttering) I haven’t shopped f..for 1 week!
Woman: Great. Now for the ultimate test…
Woman: (falsetto) The Grand Sale! The Grand Sale!
People: *SCREAM! Chairs falling over as running ensues*

Jingle: The Parkson Grand Sale. Simply irresistible.

I couldn't stop laughing thinking of Mark. Would this be your gay gene, Mark?

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Are there Spirits in your office?

Has anyone ever experienced the feeling that you are not alone in the office at 7.30am, when there is no one else?

I have. And guess what? I’m not the only one.

This morning over breakfast my mom told me that she actually felt something chilly travel from her shoulders to her neck. She said that she was particularly early in the office at around 7.30am, there was no one around, there wasn’t anyone in the other offices on her floor. She really was the only person around.

Just as she was wondering why the next door office wasn’t around yet (cos a lady in the next door office came very early too), she felt a very cold draft surround her. Bear in mind, her office was a very warm place even with the air-con on, cos it wasn’t powerful enough. Then she felt a chill travel up her neck to the back of her head and goosebumps started all over her arms.

Scared, she did the sign of the cross – twice. But the goosebumps didn’t go. She remembered her rosary and went to get it out of her bag. When she put it on the table, the chills went away and so did the goosebumps.

I believe her. Cos I’ve felt a presence in my office sometimes when I’m really early. But I’ve never experienced chills. But those few times that I felt something, I ignored it cos it wouldn’t do to dwell on it now, would it? Besides, I didn’t do anything. So, don’t fear it.

But I’ve dreamt of one being in the office. As usual I’m so early in the office, I’m very sleepy. So I sleep on my table. And I dreamt of the office. It was dark, with greenish mist surrounding us. It was scary. And the few colleagues I dreamt in it were scared cos they kept saying that ‘it’ was coming, ‘it’ was coming. But for some reason, we all couldn’t run. We had to stay put. And I knew the precise moment ‘it’ arrived. I turned my head. It was a dark figure with a greenish light around it, and I ‘saw’ it approaching me, hand stretched out towards me. I woke up, almost gasping and panting. I was a little terrified. I looked around the office, but all was quiet.

I haven’t had any more dreams or experience since then.

I can look back now and think that that dream happened when my spirits were quite down. Probably one of those days I’m affected by my mom or the family situation. Since young, I’ve known that my ‘spirit’ was ‘high’, that I couldn’t see ghosts and spirits, even if I wanted to; cos they were too afraid to meet people like me with such ‘high’ spirits. But when you were particular down, spirits low, you will be vulnerable and susceptible to ‘experiencing’ them. My mom has been very obviously down and low in spirits for the past week or so.

Has anyone ‘experienced’ them?

Monday, March 07, 2005

My posse dun like u

Lunchtime at my office now is a more enjoyable feature. We have about 6 – 8 people, sometimes 10, gathering for lunch. The best thing, we are all from different departments.

We used to eat on our own before the influx of newcomers. From these 10 people, only 2 are oldtimers, meaning having served in the company for at least 6 months and more. That’s me and YS from IT. Me being the longest here already. One reason why we didn’t eat together before was that I would be hungry earlier, or would eat earlier because of functions. The rest don’t have the luxury of being able to eat earlier and can only go out for lunch at only 1, or 12.30pm the earliest. Now, I munch on something, or wait till 12.30pm.

But I’m saddened to find out recently that the rest of the gurls don’t really like the guy, the only guy in our group. I mean, there were times that I felt he was very tactless in his comments about a gurl’s size in our group. But because I’m always joking with him, the other gurls didn’t tell me about how they felt. Till today. That's why they were not keen on watching a movie with him tagging along.

Well, the majority wins. I have no problem not going to the movies with him, so I said let some of us pretend that we are not able to make it to the movie so we will cancel, but in actual fact, we are going to watch just the same. Just us gurls. Without him.

I guess I’m too thick-skinned to bother about what he says. I mean, he had commented that I need to go for more exercise and that I have a tummy before. But I ignored him. I didn’t let it get to me. When you’ve been listening to such comments and worst, from your mother, all your life, you tend to get a little thick-skinned and comments made by outsiders tend to bounce off. I guess the other gurl just need to tone up her armour.

I feel badly for him, cos the gurls feel that way about him. I've never had any problems with him. But I guess… these things happen. There are all sorts of people around us. Some we can’t stand. Some we just don’t want to spend too much company in.

Do you guys feel bad for him?

Inconvenience for Life

This relapse in my skin allergy reminded me of someone in Singapore.

I was a member of the Media Society. It was a fancy name, as it was essentially the Librarian Society. But it was more than a Library. We also had a AVA arm, which stands for something along the lines of Audio Visual Assistance, that supplied the school’s audio microphone equipment, transparency projector and other equipment. We also loaned video players and music out to students and teachers alike.

It was pretty cool to be a member of the Media Society. Not only were our collection of books great, but it was a great place to have fun during the holidays when you go back for duty. We even managed to play Hide-and-Seek there. Lots of nooks and crannies to hide in. One of my favourites was in the magazine shelves, those that have those slanted shelves that can be flipped up and inside you will find more magazines. What you do is you open the flip, push out all the magazines inside, squeeze in, bring the flip back down, and drag the magazines that were placed on the flip to cover your body. Fantastic. Admittedly I don’t have that body now to accomplish it… ah well…

My other favourite was to hide on top of the book shelves. Damn fun being able to look down on people. How high? Er... I think it was about 7 feet? 8 feet? No danger of toppling over cos the books were so many and heavy.

One time we had to play Hide-and-Seek and it was no fun at all. It was during the holidays and it was a Sunday I think that we went back for fun, but we weren't supposed to. The gates were locked, but we climbed over the fence to get in to the school grounds. Then we nearly got caught. That was a harrowing experience. Another story.

It was in my second year of secondary school. In Sec 2 classes started in the afternoons, so duty was in the mornings. One morning this girl came into the library and adjusting the rotating fan to be stationary and she stood there blowing her face. Curious, I walked to her and asked why was she standing in front of the fan. When she turned to me, I saw she had blotches of red all over her face. And she explained that she had just finished PE and that when she was too hot or perspired too much, she would have these blotches all over her face. The blotches were not painful, just hot and red and it would stay there for a few hours.

Her name was Stephanie. Since then, she would be a regular in the library, every week during my shift, blowing her face cool with the fan. And I used to wince at her red blotchy face and pity her because it must be damn inconvenient to have such sensitive skin.

Now I have it. Damn. The Gods must be laughing at me. Now I have this inconvenience to live with for the rest of my life! Argh!

Stephanie, wherever you are, I hope you are not suffering too much over your sensitive skin. I know how you feel now. Cos I suffer from it too.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

I'll be waiting

Hush, dearling, please don’t you cry
The time has come and I must be gone

Hush dearling, please don’t you sigh
The sun has set and I must be home

Where I’ve gone is Heaven
A place fill with birds, trees and
yes, even cats
Here, see me, waiting here
by the brook we used to walk

Where I am is sunny and open
A place filled with water, bones and
yes, interesting smells
Here, see me, waiting here
by the fence we used to stand

Keep my rug
You’ll need it for the younger ones
Keep my picture
I like it when you show your friends
But most of all
Keep my ball
I’ll need it when I see you
To continue that game of tug-o-war
While the sun sets
While the time passes
I won’t budge
I’ll be right here
Waiting for you

~ How I'd like to think of what all my beloved dogs feel when they leave me. For Pua and Averie and the whole family, I'm sure this is what Shanahan feels.


Sigh... I'm at home feeling sorry for myself cos I've gotten back my face allergy. Whole face red and itchy. Happened after yesterday being in a covered-up carpark with all those car exhaust fumes, plus the haze and the sun... not good combination for my stupid sensitive skin.

Can hardly look at myself in the mirror. Red, swollen and oily from the cream the doc gave me this morning. Blah...

Ok... DVD watching time.... what shall I watch.... ah... Bruce Almighty!

Let there be light!!!

*Yeah right... drawing curtains... nice dark room...*

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

I am thinking of you

Dante's prayer

When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone

I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire


Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars

Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares


Please remember me
Please remember me

~ Loreena McKennitt

Do nothing

Observe the wonders as they occur around you. Don't claim them. Feel the artistry moving through and be silent. ~ Rumi

Let’s just sit back and do that. We can’t stake a claim on everything that we see. We can’t stamp ‘MINE’ on everything that we see.

We can’t even do that to our subconscious.

I had a weird, weird, ultra weird dream about alien races, bionic people and magic beings that procreate via becoming babies.

That’s what you get from reading Superman DC Comics just before going to bed. Weird…
I wanted to write it down and think of some way to make it make sense and churn it into a story, but I was too uncomfortable with my ear condition. Damn uncomfortable. I saw the doc last night. Hope it goes away soon. I think I now understand why some people claim to be able to hear voices. It’s probably echoes from everyone all around.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I dun care about being late anymore

I used to be concerned with time. Especially when going to work. Because the traffic jams in KL are so notorious. And to keep one's sanity intact, one has to take measures.

I chose to wake up at 6am (groan) and leave the house before 7am, just so I can beat the jam and arrive at work relatively on time. Which means I'm at the office by 7.30am. I ended up sitting outside the company doors. Then when it became obvious that I was the first one usually, HR gave me a key. So I became the Door Unlocker.

Advantage: Yay! I get to surf the net early.

Disadvantage: When I am late, those who sit outside grumble.

Initially I cared. But later I didn't, cos I'm not the only one with the key. Hello! You shouldn't be coming to work at 9.30am. Especially when you're the key holder, and one of the heads. I'm not the head. I'm a small fry who doesn't want to be late and so be blackmarked and suffer at evaluation!

My fren chose to get up later at 8am, leave the house at 8.50am, and reach the office by 9am. Hmph. Easy for him. His office is 5 minutes' drive away! Bloody hell, I need to get a job that's a stone's throw from my office!

Today I arrived at work at 8.45am. Still alright. But I was stuck in a jam for an hour already. All beacuse I left the house late. Shit.

But I find I'm not concerned with going to work on time anymore. The other day I went into work at 10am because I couldn't sleep the night before, I was still tossing and turning at 2am. I knew if I got up at my usual 6am I will get a migraine almost the instant I reached the office, so I slept in, woke up at 9am, and blissfully left the house at 9.30am, reached the office carpark by 9.50am. I didn't explain to my editor why I was late, but I did mention in passing that I had to collect something in the morning from a contributor who forgot to pass to me the previous evening. I even left at sharp 5.30pm after work. Last Saturday I also went to work at 10am and left at 1pm.

Bad... I know it, but I couldn't be bothered. I'm not feeling that the company is taking care of me anymore, so why should I care about being punctual, and be concerned with management wanting to cut costs?

Things happening now in the office that makes me unhappy.

1. Hiding the real distribution amount to the public and clients.

2. Hiring staff for the obvious post, but later dumps another ex-staff's work on them, thereby forcing them to do 3-4 people's jobs at the same salary.

3. Expecting staff to not calculate with company using their weekends for work, and to be happy with only RM6 lunch compensation and RM8 dinner compensation, and don't ask for replacement leave.

4. Marketing manager taking on outside jobs and passing the work to my editor and my team to work on while she sits at her table replying nonsensical emails, sending smses and going out for late breakfasts and long lunches, and calling staff at 9pm to talk about work!

I could go on, but I'll become repeatitive. I'm in a mood.

But this morning I had my favourite popiah for breakfast, so I'm not really that cranky. *smile*